These are all the jobs you can
fuck up choose.
These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes.
|Staff Assistant||Fight everyone, ruin everything.||Easy||Maintenance|
|Chef||Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches.||Easy||Kitchen|
|Chaplain||Steal corpses for funerals, fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed.||Easy||Chapel|
|Barman||Get drunk, shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob.||Easy||Bar|
|Botanist||Completely ignore the chef's requests, start a grow-op. Click
||Easy to Medium||Hydroponics, Maintenance|
|Janitor||Clean already clean floors, whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart.||Easy to Hard||Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance|
|Clown||Trip on your own shoes, regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts.||H o n k||Maintenance|
These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support.
|Mechanic||Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways.||Medium||Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything|
|Engineer||Use up all the plasma immediately, die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves.||Easy to Medium||Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything|
|Miner||Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. Run out of air.||Easy to Medium||Mining, Mining Outpost, Maintenance|
|Quartermaster||Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay.||Medium||Cargo Bay, Maintenance|
These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment.
|Medical Doctor||Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest your own organs for cash.||Medium||Medbay, Pathology, Maintenance|
|Geneticist||Make volunteers Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys.||Hard||Medbay, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance|
|Roboticist||Steal all the butts. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built.||Medium||Medbay, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance|
|Scientist||Ignore the Artifact Lab, synthesize nerve agents without a mask. Steal the AI with Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire.||Hard||Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab|
These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive.
|Security Officer||Beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Stun yourself repeatedly. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later.||Soul Crushing||Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance|
|Detective||Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar.||Easy to Hard||Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance|
|Chief Engineer||Realize you have no clue how to start the engine, die in a fire. Suffocate in areas you refuse to repair.||Medium||Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Medical Director||Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate all your blood.||Medium||Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Research Director||Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Explode into spiders.||Medium to Hard||Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Head of Security||Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat.||Harder than Hard||Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
|Head of Personnel||Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Disappear immediately and forever.||Medium to Hard||Make your own Captain-level ID|
|Captain||Shoot your cat, reprogram the AI and become Double Captain.||Nightmarish||Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.
|Traitor||Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves.||Medium to Hard||Depends on job|
|Vampire||Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!!||Easy to Hard||Depends on job|
|Nuclear Operative||Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station.||Hard||Maintenance|
|Wizard||Run around trying to kill everyone, get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.||Easy to Hard||Walk through walls|
|Changeling||Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, get shoved in the gibber while on fire.||Easy to Hard||Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)|
|Wraith||Spook the crew's guts off. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.||Salty||Irrelevant|
|Blob||Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires like a magnet.||All-consuming||Irrelevant|
Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.
|Werewolf||Appearance: Random event
Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon.
|Hard||Pry doors open|
|Predator||Appearance: Random event
Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less.
|Hard||Pry doors open|
|Grinch||Appearance: Christmas season
Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you.
|Mean||Depends on job|
Special roles for players.
|AI||Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off.||Psychologically devastating||Everything|
|Cyborg||Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.||Hard||Everything|
|Monkey||Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.||Nightmarish||Depends on job, walk under tables|
|Cluwne||HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!!!||KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!||Removed|
|Ghost||Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut.||Spooky||Irrelevant
|Ghost Drone||Repair stuff. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery.||Easy to Medium||Engineer|
Job of the Day
Every day, one of these jobs will be available.
|Job of the Day|
|Tourist||Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself in minutes.||Easy||None|
|Vice Officer||Raid Botany, smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen, eat their burgers.||Medium||Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance|
|Lawyer||Have your suitcase stolen, represent the thief in court.||Easy||Security, Brig, Maintenance|
|Atmospheric Technician||Gas the crew. Wonder why you don't have access to Engineering.||Easy||EVA, Maintenance|
|Barber||Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat.||Frustrating||Maintenance|
|Boxer||Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig.||Easy||Maintenance|
|Mailman||Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office.||Easy||Maintenance|
A random selection of these jobs is available to those who join a round after it starts. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish.
Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.
|VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)||Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane.||Medium||Bridge|
|Hollywood Actor||Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly.||Easy||None|
|Regional Director||Pretend that you're important, get your all-access ID looted immediately.||Medium||Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
|Pharmacist||Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants.||Easy||Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance|
|Test Subject||Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.||Hard||None, walk under tables|
|Union Rep||Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob.||Medium||None|
|Diplomat (Ambassador)||Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station.||Medium||None|
|Musician||Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot, lose terribly.||Easy||None|
|Salesman (Merchant)||Start a black market, find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.||Easy||None|
|Journalist||Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat, explode.||Easy||None|
|Inspector||Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members.||Medium||Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance|
|Coach||Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.||Easy||None|
|Sous Chef||Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.||Easy||Kitchen|
|Waiter||Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen, receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.||Easy||Kitchen, Bar|
|Apiculturist (Apiarist)||Bees. Bees everywhere.||Easy||Hydroponics, Maintenance|
This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.
|Hard-mode traitor||Look up to the big boys, cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the fancy toys.||Medium to Hard||Depends on job|
|Gang leader||Spawn your closet outside Security. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI.||Nightmarish||Depends on job|
|Gangster||Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas.||Hard||Depends on job|
|Wrestler||Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway?||Medium||Depends on job|
|Omnitraitor||Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time!||Trivial||Pry doors open, walk through walls|
|Zombie||Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob.||Apocalyptic||Depends on job|
|Macho Man||MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT!||GUARANTEED VICTORY||YEAH|
Jobs that are no longer available to players.
|Elite Security||Gave players more power to punish each other. Re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.||Hard||Everything|
|Head Surgeon||Tried to be the Medical Director way, way too early.||Medium to Hard||Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Maintenance|
|Chemist||Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink.||Easy to Hard||Chemistry, Research Corridors|
|Technical Assistant||Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail.||Easy||Tech Storage, Maintenance|
|Medical Assistant||Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey.||Easy||Medbay, Maintenance|
|Construction Worker||Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term.||Easy||You made your own access|
|Spy||Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway.||Hard||Depended on job|
|Jobs on Space Station 13|
Staff Assistant - Chef - Barman - Chaplain - Janitor - Botanist - Clown - Job of the Day - Gimmick jobs
Engineer - Mechanic - Miner - Quartermaster
| Medical & Research:|
Medical Doctor - Geneticist - Roboticist - Scientist
| Command & Security:|
Security Officer - Detective - Chief Engineer - Medical Director - Research Director - Head of Security - Head of Personnel - Captain
| Antagonist Roles:|
Changeling - Nuclear Operative - Traitor - Wizard - Vampire - Wraith - Blob - Werewolf - Predator - Grinch - Gimmick antagonist roles
| Special Roles:|
Artificial Intelligence - Cyborg - Monkey - Ghost - Cluwne