This is a list of every possible job to choose.
The job descriptions are mainly jokes and are not the actual job description. Please don't randomly fight people as a staff assistant or build traps as a mechanic. Unless you're a traitor of course. And for the love of God at least try to do your job.
These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes.
|Staff Assistant||Fight everyone, ruin everything.||Easy||Maintenance|
|Chef||Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches.||Easy||Kitchen|
|Chaplain||Steal corpses for funerals, fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed.||Easy||Chapel, Morgue|
|Barman||Get drunk, shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob.||Easy||Bar|
|Botanist||Completely ignore the chef's requests, start a grow-op. Click
||Easy to Medium||Hydroponics, Maintenance|
|Janitor||Clean already clean floors, whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart.||Easy to Hard||Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance|
|Clown||Trip on your own shoes, regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts.||H o n k||Maintenance|
These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support.
|Mechanic||Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways.||Medium||Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything|
|Engineer||Use up all the plasma immediately, die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves.||Easy to Medium||Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything|
|Miner||Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. Run out of air.||Easy to Medium||Mining, Mining Outpost, Maintenance|
|Quartermaster||Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay.||Medium||Cargo Bay, Maintenance|
These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment.
|Medical Doctor||Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest your own organs for cash.||Medium||Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance|
|Geneticist||Make volunteers Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys.||Hard||Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance|
|Roboticist||Steal all the butts. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built.||Medium||Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance|
|Scientist||Ignore the Artifact Lab, synthesize nerve agents without a mask. Steal the AI with Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire.||Hard||Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab|
These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive.
|Security Officer||Do your job correctly, beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit.||Underappreciated||Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance|
|Detective||Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar.||Easy to Hard||Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance|
|Chief Engineer||Realize you have no clue how to start the engine, die in a fire. Suffocate in areas you refuse to repair.||Medium||Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Medical Director||Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate all your blood.||Medium||Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Research Director||Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Explode into spiders.||Medium to Hard||Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance|
|Head of Security||Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat.||Harder than Hard||Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
|Head of Personnel||Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Disappear immediately and forever.||Medium to Hard||Make your own Captain-level ID|
|Captain||Shoot your cat, reprogram the AI and become Double Captain.||Nightmarish||Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.
|Traitor||Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves.||Medium to Hard||Depends on job|
|Vampire||Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!!||Easy to Hard||Depends on job|
|Nuclear Operative||Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station.||Hard||Maintenance|
|Wizard||Run around trying to kill everyone, get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.||Easy to Hard||Walk through walls|
|Changeling||Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, get shoved in the gibber while on fire.||Easy to Hard||Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)|
|Wraith||Spook the crew's guts off. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.||Salty||Irrelevant|
|Blob||Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires like a magnet.||All-consuming||Irrelevant|
Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.
|Werewolf||Appearance: Random event
Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon.
|Hard||Pry doors open|
|Predator||Appearance: Random event
Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less.
|Hard||Pry doors open|
|Grinch||Appearance: Christmas season
Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you.
|Mean||Depends on job|
Special roles for players.
|AI||Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off.||Psychologically devastating||Everything|
|Cyborg||Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.||Hard||Everything|
|Monkey||Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.||Nightmarish||Depends on job, walk under tables|
|Cluwne||HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!!!||KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!||Removed|
|Ghost||Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut.||Spooky||Irrelevant
|Ghost Drone||Repair stuff. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery.||Easy to Medium||Engineer|
Job of the Day
Every day, one of these jobs will be available.
|Job of the Day|
|Tourist||Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself in minutes.||Easy||None|
|Vice Officer||Raid Botany, smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen, eat their burgers.||Medium||Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance|
|Lawyer||Have your suitcase stolen, represent the thief in court.||Easy||Security, Brig, Maintenance|
|Atmospheric Technician||Gas the crew. Wonder why you don't have access to Engineering.||Easy||EVA, Maintenance|
|Barber||Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat.||Frustrating||Maintenance|
|Boxer||Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig.||Easy||Maintenance|
|Mailman||Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office.||Easy||Maintenance|
A random selection of these jobs is available to those who join a round after it starts. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish.
Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.
|VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)||Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane.||Medium||Bridge|
|Hollywood Actor||Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly.||Easy||None|
|Regional Director||Pretend that you're important, get your all-access ID looted immediately.||Medium||Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)|
|Pharmacist||Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants.||Easy||Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance|
|Test Subject||Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.||Hard||None, walk under tables|
|Union Rep||Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob.||Medium||None|
|Diplomat (Ambassador)||Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station.||Medium||None|
|Musician||Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot, lose terribly.||Easy||None|
|Salesman (Merchant)||Start a black market, find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.||Easy||None|
|Journalist||Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat, explode.||Easy||None|
|Inspector||Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members.||Medium||Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance|
|Coach||Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.||Easy||None|
|Sous Chef||Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.||Easy||Kitchen|
|Waiter||Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen, receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.||Easy||Kitchen, Bar|
|Apiculturist (Apiarist)||Bees. Bees everywhere.||Easy||Hydroponics, Maintenance|
This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.
|Hard-mode traitor||Look up to the big boys, cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the fancy toys.||Medium to Hard||Depends on job|
|Gang leader||Spawn your closet outside Security. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI.||Nightmarish||Depends on job|
|Gangster||Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas.||Hard||Depends on job|
|Wrestler||Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway?||Medium||Depends on job|
|Omnitraitor||Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time!||Trivial||Pry doors open, walk through walls|
|Zombie||Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob.||Apocalyptic||Depends on job|
|Macho Man||MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT!||GUARANTEED VICTORY||YEAH|
Jobs that are no longer available to players.
|Elite Security||Gave players more power to punish each other. Re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.||Hard||Everything|
|Head Surgeon||Tried to be the Medical Director way, way too early.||Medium to Hard||Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Maintenance|
|Chemist||Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink.||Easy to Hard||Chemistry, Research Corridors|
|Technical Assistant||Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail.||Easy||Tech Storage, Maintenance|
|Medical Assistant||Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey.||Easy||Medbay, Maintenance|
|Construction Worker||Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term.||Easy||You made your own access|
|Spy||Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway.||Hard||Depended on job|
|Jobs on Space Station 13|
Staff Assistant - Chef - Barman - Chaplain - Janitor - Botanist - Clown - Job of the Day - Gimmick jobs
Engineer - Mechanic - Miner - Quartermaster
| Medical & Research:|
Medical Doctor - Geneticist - Roboticist - Scientist
| Command & Security:|
Security Officer - Detective - Chief Engineer - Medical Director - Research Director - Head of Security - Head of Personnel - Captain
| Antagonist Roles:|
Changeling - Nuclear Operative - Traitor - Wizard - Vampire - Wraith - Blob - Werewolf - Predator - Grinch - Gimmick antagonist roles
| Special Roles:|
Artificial Intelligence - Cyborg - Monkey - Ghost - Cluwne