Wizard

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WizardNew64.gif

The Space Wizard Federation has gotten their beards in a twist about something, and decided to send their most powerful Archmage(s) to destroy Space Station 13. Unfortunately, they were busy, so they sent some idiot(s) instead. Of course, even bad wizards are still capable of bending reality to their whims. Compared to other jerks you may encounter on the station, wizards can be a most dangerous antagonist in terms of fighting off large numbers of crew at once, but they don't have much in the way of subtlety due to the theatrics and whimsy space magic, and their magic hands lock them out of certain useful crew equipment.

Wizard Equipment

Starter Equipment

The wizard's den and homebase.

Every wizard spawns with these following items.

Item Image Description
Wizard hat
WizardHats4.gif
All hats and robes are magically enhanced, making it harder for the crew to strip you naked in an instant. Hats are also acid-proof, meaning fluorosulfuric acid and sulfuric acid can't melt them. Hats are also clingy; if someone else tries to remove your hat, they take 4 times the normal duration to remove.

Comes in different colors. There is a blue wizard hat, a red wizard hat, a purple wizard hat, a green wizard hood (which also hides hair), a black witch hat, and a black necromancer hood (which both hides hair and hides your face, making you appear as "Unknown" if you're not wearing an ID). There is also a pink wizard hat, but it's a costume; it does not allow you to do magic.
Wizard robe
WizardRobes3.gif
You cannot cast any spells if you don't have your complete magical outfit (hat and robe). The robes are also surprisingly cold-resistant. Together with the hat, they keep you from freezing in Space and hull breaches. In addition, robes resist force-stripping; if someone who isn't you tries to take your robes off, they take 4 times the normal duration to remove.

Like the wizard's hat, these also come in many different versions that look different but other function the same. There is a blue wizard robe, a red one, a purple one, a green one, and a black one called "necromancer's robe".
Magic Sandals
Sandals.png
These work just like the magic sandals the Chaplain gets, except they can fit the hooves of cows, so cow wizards can still enjoy the benefits of such fine footwear. Since these magic sandals prevent slipping on ice, they combo well with Ice Burst.
Radio Headset
Headset.png
It may look like a regular headset, but it's actually EMP-proof, so it's one of the few pieces of technology that can handle your magic. Otherwise a generic headset that transmits to frequency 145.9.
Wizard's Staff
WizardStaffBallV2-32x32.png
Your spells will be greatly weakened, not last as long, and take longer to recharge if you don't have a wizard's staff. You can find plenty of these throughout the Wizard's Den and in the MagiVend.
Crystal Wizard's Staff
WizardStaffCrystalV2-32x32.png
Functionally identically to the one just called wizard's staff. It isn't any better at magic than the other or anything; it's just a different style. The crystal wizard's staff is a little bit harder to obtain, since you need to hack the MagiVend to get this kind of staff from the machine, but there's still plenty of crystal-style staves around on the Wizard's Den.
Spellbook
WizardSpellbookV2-32x32V2.gif
Your very own magical book to chose spells from. It is attuned to your person and cannot be used by another wizard or somebody dressed as one.
Teleportation Scroll
Wizardscroll.png
Allows instant teleportation to an area of your choice, so you can zip back to somewhere safe if you're ever in trouble. The scroll has four charges, i.e. four teleports. It was once possible to open up the teleport menu and simply leave it up with the wizard's den selected, but now this is no longer possible.
Wizardry 101
Paper2.png
The basic ingame equivalent of this wiki page.

Other Equipment

In addition to the basic gear every wizard spawns with, there're a variety of miscellaneous supplies and machinery to be found on the shuttle or obtain from certain spells.

Item Image Description
Staff of Cthulhu
StaffOfCthulhuV2-32x32.png
Optional equipment enhancement, see explanation below.
Staff of Thunder
StaffOfThunder32x32.gif
Ditto. See below for explanation.
Mugwort tea
MugwortTeaV2.png
Contains mugwort, which sometimes heals you a bit and removes saxitoxin from your system.
'Every Flavour' jellybeans
EveryFlavourBeansV2.png JellyBeanV2-32x32.png
Six generic jellybeans to make golems from, with a chance of containing almost any reagent in the game. Usually this is nothing but sugar, but occasionally it can be a mildly dangerous reagent such as porktonium, and rarely something incredibly dangerous like secret chems. They can't be extracted using Reagent Extractors (it will always come out as sugar this way), but you can still see the beans' contents before using them by stealing a reagent scanner.
Magix System IV
WizardComputer.gif
Controls the shuttle's outer airlock and built-in teleporter, which has unlimited uses but has to recharge after every one. Using this also puts the Teleport spell on cooldown.
Magic Mirror
MagicMirrorV2-32x32.png
The magic mirror shows the objectives of all magic users in any given round when examined by a wizard. Intended to promote a little bit of teamwork.

MagiVend

MagiVend.png

This vending machine in the center of the Wizard's Den offers spare wizard clothes and staves. If hacked, a (cosmetically) different type of staff and some necromancer-themed clothes become available. Notably, there is no access lock on this. This usually isn't too much of a problem, as only fellow Wizards can go to the Wizard's Den in the first place, and if you decide to make a copy of it through the ruckingenur kit for whatever reason, the vendor starts empty.

List of Contents:
Icon Quantity Item Hidden
item?
BlueWizardHatV2.png
2 Blue wizard hat No
BlueWizardRobe.png
2 Blue wizard robe No
RedWizardHatV2.png
2 Red wizard hat No
RedWizardRobe.png
2 Red wizard robe No
PurpleWizardHatV2.png
2 Purple wizard hat No
PurpleWizardRobe.png
2 Purple wizard robe No
GreenWizardHoodV2.png
2 Green wizard hood No
GreenWizardRobe.png
2 Green wizard robe No
WitchHatV2.png
2 Witch hat No
NecromancerHoodV2.png
2 Necromancer's hood Yes
NecromancerRobe.png
2 Necromancer robe Yes
Sandals.png
8 Magic sandals No
WizardStaffBallV2-32x32.png
4 Wizard's staff No
WizardStaffCrystalV2-32x32.png
4 Crystal wizard's staff Yes

Wizards and Technology

Sometimes, they don't mix. Wizards have magic hands that cause EMPs, so certain items and machines will go haywire if you try to use or equip them. Managed to steal the cap's energy gun? The battery will completely drain if you try to fire it. Nicked a Security HUD? Don't put those on, because they'll hurt your eyes. Trying to killswitch the cyborgs with the robotics control computer? It might break, and you'll see similar effects with other computers.

You can still use some technology. For example, automenders and the various medical vendors work as usual. Things that are mostly mechanical, like riot shotguns or MechComp, aren't affected by EMPs, so you can use them without issue.

Available spells

WizardSpellbookV2-32x32V2.gif

Wizards pay for their spells in so-called magic points, and you get six to spend as you see fit. Under normal circumstances, you can't refund/return spells, though you can ask an Admin to swap them out if you've accidentally picked the wrong one.

None of these spells can be used while unconscious though they can be used while stunned or weakened. You can't cast them in the chapel, and handcuffs are a concern because you're unable to hold a staff in your hand.

To cast any of your chosen spells, simply click on the associated icon in the top left corner. If you have tooltips on, you can also place your mouse over them to get a short description of the spell's effects and, more importantly, the amount of time left in the cooldown.

When you cast a spell, your character also says a certain voice line, an "incantation" if you will. This is mostly an aesthetic thing; saying the line won't cast the spell (i.e. it doesn't work in reverse), and you can still cast spells if you have an accent or are mute. Each spell also plays a sound clip of someone saying that line. There is one set for male characters, one set for female ones, and one set for those wearing the necromancer's hood and robe set.

Free

Every wizard starts with the following spells:

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cooldown While stunned? Description Effect w/o staff
Clairvoyance
"HAIDAN SEEHQ"
Clairvoyance.png 60 seconds Yes States the general location of a target, even if they're inside a closet or similar container. The chaplain and people standing in the chapel will block your attempt to pinpoint them. Takes longer to recharge.
Phase Shift
"PHEE CABUE"
Phaseshift.png 30 seconds Yes Lets you simply move through walls, doors, and whatever other detritus that sits in your way. Other people can't attack you as long as you're incorporeal, and phaseshifting while on fire will extinguish the flames. Doesn't last as long, takes longer to recharge.
Magic Missile
"ICEE BEEYEM"
Missle.png 20 seconds Yes Unleashes six homing bolts of energy that automatically target up to six of the nearest crew members; if there's less than six targets, the remaining missiles go in random directions. Anyone unlucky enough to get beaned by one gets forced onto the floor, knocked down for 4 seconds, and receieves 15 BRUTE. If the shots miss, they can bounce off walls and similar up to three times, losing their homing ability. They pass through the Chaplain and fellow wizards. Only three missiles appear, and they are slower, can bounce only twice, do only 10 BRUTE, and knock people down for only 2 seconds.

Equipment

May not be spells in the strictest sense but they'll take up spell slots nonetheless. These spells modify your equipment in some way.

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cost Cooldown While stunned? Description
Summon Staff of Cthulhu
"KOHM HEIRE"
Staff.png 2 60 seconds No Take the Staff of Cthulhu option and it'll give you a Staff of Cthulhu and this spell. Cast it, and the staff magically shows up in your active hand (or on the floor if you have both hands full). Even if the crew destroy the staff, it'll give you a new one. The staff of cthulhu works like a standard staff with various upgrades, described below.

The crew will normally steal your staff and run off with it to cripple your casting abilities, but that doesn't work so well with the staff of cthulhu. Any non-wizard dumb enough to touch or pull this staff takes a massive 25 brain damage and is stunned for 10 seconds and rendered unconscious for 8. Hiding the staff in a closet or somewhere else is similarly ineffective given that you can just summon it out.

The staff also makes a much better bludgeoning weapon than the regular staff. It does a decent 14 BRUTE (compare to the regular staves' 3), and there's a 35% chance with each hit that you'll also stutter their speech, inflict 2 brain damage, and drain 30 Stamina from the victim. If you knock them to less than 0 Stamina, they'll be briefly knocked-down for 1 sec.; if not, they get Disorient for 1 sec.

If they have more than 30 brain damage, instead of that 35% chance, there's an 20% chance to cause 6 brain damage, stutter their speech a lot more, and drain 80 Stamina. If this puts them below 0 Stamina, they get knocked down for 5 sec. and rendered unconscious for 2; if not, it causes 2 sec. of Disorient.

Only the Chaplain is immune to the staff's effects. Taking this effectively sacrifices a spell slot, however, which may not be worth it.
Summon and Recharge Staff of Thunder
"KUH, ABAH'RAH"
SummonThunderStaff64x64.PNG 2 20 seconds No When the Staff of Thunder is taken, your Spellbook will summon you the powerful Staff of Thunder along with this spell. The Staff of Thunder is a powerful weapon, manipulating the clouds in space(?) to call down the angry gods from above. When a tile is clicked on with the Staff of Thunder at any distance, a small target will be placed down indicating where the thunder will land. A few seconds later, a lightning bolt will strike down on the target surface dealing 35 BURN as well as 10 BURN to others within a 3x3 area around where it struck down. The thunder will then linger for a short bit, disorienting any who walk into it and slowing them down significantly. This residue thunder will also be summoned from the location of the staff if the summon ability is cast while the staff is on the ground. The Staff of Thunder is limited to three charges but can be replenished by casting the ability.

No ordinary crewmember is able to pick up your staff, emitting harmless sparks and disorienting the person for a short moment when attempting to pick up. The staff is also unable to be lost, with this ability bringing the staff back to your hand if some meddling crew somehow gets their hands on it. The staff also is unable to be destroyed, giving you a new one through your free Wizard Warrantee™ if crushed or spaced.

Note that like most of the wizard's abilities, the Chaplain is immune to all the staff's effects, shrugging off the bolt of lightning as if it were nothing. Additionally, those equipped with SMES Human are also immune to its effects.

Enchantment

Passive buffs that increase your fighting ability or odds of survival in some manner.

Name
Icon Cost Description
Soulguard
WizardIconSoulguard.png
1 Soulguard is basically a one-time "do-over" that teleports you back to the wizard shuttle in the event that you die, respawning you in a new body and completely naked. Note that wizards can prepare teleportation spells for pre-casting fairly easily. Unless you're really afraid of getting instantly knocked into critical by something like a chemical reaction or explosion, you may want to use the spell slot for something else.

Utility

Spells that help you get into/out of places or provide allies.

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cost Cooldown While stunned? Description Effect w/o staff
Knock
"AULIE OXIN FIERA"
Knock.png 1 10 seconds Yes Opens all doors, closets, crates and cyborg head compartments in a five tile radius. Also unlocks the interface of various robots. Great for getting into places and lockers without having to worry about getting a high-ranking ID or for dealing with the cyborgs after the crew makes wizards non-human. Rip their brains out and throw them in your bag, they make great trophies! Restricted to point-blank range.
Empower
"BIRUZ BENNAR"
Mutate.png 1 40 seconds Yes Makes you a kung-fu wizard, basically, for 30 seconds. You temporarily get the hulk superpower, allowing you to bash down walls, rip apart handcuffs and punch people with great force, sending them flying. This form of hulk cannot be removed by mutadone or other means of removing mutations.

During those 30 seconds, you also temporarily get +5 Stamina Regeneration and all the Wrestler passive traits (but not the wrestler-specific abilities), see that link for more info. In particular, your punches can sometimes flung people across the room, and while suplexing someone still stuns you, you're out for only 1.5 seconds instead of 3.9; both allow you chain into another spell.
The hulk, stamina regen boosts, and wrestling buffs only last 15 seconds.
Animate Dead
"EI NECRIS"
Pet.png 1 85 seconds Yes Causes the skeleton of a nearby corpse to tear itself free and come to life. The body and all the stuff on it is gibbed in the process. These skeletons are extremely hostile to anyone other than wizards and will chase people down, then knock them over and beat them to death with their horrid, undead strength. They're a little fragile and not too hard to run from, but they're tenacious: They will repair themselves if downed and are pretty good at killing lone targets or people you've stunned with other spells. Keep in mind that every corpse these things create is another potential skeletal servant! Takes longer to recharge.
Summon Golem
"CLAE MASHON"
Golem.png 2 75 seconds No Turns any reagent in a container which you're holding in your active hand while casting this into a golem made of the substance. It doesn't have to be a beaker or even actual glassware; 'Every Flavour' beans on the wizard shuttle and pills also work.

The golem is a mob that will attack anybody it sees with the exception of wizards. They are slow and have only 40 HP but are somewhat resistant to BRUTE and BURN. Their effectiveness depends on what is used to make them: the most present reagent (or if they're the same reagent volume, whichever is higher on the list) determines the golem type which applies that chemical's TOUCH reaction for each punch, and becomes a breathable smoke cloud of that chemical upon death. The chemicals used to make the Golem are internally stored and forcibly injected into its targets until it runs dry. For understandable reasons, it's very common for wizards using this spell to teleport into chemistry or the bar and make several beakers of the nastiest chemicals available.
Takes longer to recharge.
Sticks to Snakes
"STYX TUSNEKS"
Snakes.png 1 15 second Yes Click on an object and it'll turn into a snake! You can also target a person, and it turns the item in their active hand into a snake too--useful for people trying to shoot you or throw glasses at you!

These snakes are non-venomous but are aggressive towards everyone who isn't a wizard. Snakes inherit some of the colors of the item, and some items have special sprites and occasionally unique properties when turned into a snake. The snake reverts back into the original item after two minutes; killing the snake also reverts it.

Snakes can get two heads if you use Sticks to Snakes on them, an purely aesthetic change.
Snakes are passive and only bite when they are attacked.

Defensive

Abilities that help you avoid damage or fend off attackers.

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cost Cooldown While stunned? Description Effect w/o staff
Teleport
"SCYAR NILA [PLACE]"
Teleport.png 2 45 seconds Yes Comes with unlimited charges, unlike that scroll in your pocket. Teleport can take you anywhere on the station and back to your shuttle. Unlike the scroll, however, the spell won't send you there instantly, but does extinguish flames if you happen to be on fire. There's a short delay that leaves you vulnerable for a moment. Teleporting with the wizard den teleporter computer activates the cooldown for this spell. Takes longer to recharge.
Warp
"GHEIT AUT"
Warping.png 1 10 seconds Yes The devious sibling of blink. Sends a target to a random location within several tiles of your field of vision. While it may either send unlucky crew into a blazing inferno or barely two inches away from your place, it does have the fortune of recharging quickly. Target is more likely to end up closer to you.
Forcewall
"BRIXHUN MOHTYR"
Forcewall.png 1 20 seconds Yes Causes a wall of force to project from your sides, stopping anyone from passing through the wall for 30 seconds. Good for blocking off a hallway while you make your escape or wait for cooldowns to finish. Wall is shorter.
Spell Shield
"XYZZYX"
Spellshield.png 1 60 seconds Yes Encases you in a magical shield for 10 seconds that blocks all projectiles and melee attacks but still lets in thrown objects. Also reduces the severity of explosions, prevents people from forcing you to drink/eat/swallow something, and protects you from flashes and attacks from Securitrons and GuardBuddies. Spell has longer cooldown
Doppleganger
"GIN EMUS"
Doppelganger.png 2 30 seconds Yes Similar to phase shift, but with a twist. A copy of you goes in the direction you were facing before, while you turn invisible and can get away in the opposite direction. The type of obstacles you can pass through are limited (windows, doors and solid objects), and walls will still be impenetrable. Nevertheless, doppelganger tends to lead the crew on a wild-goose chase and can thus be useful for making a quick escape.

Offensive

Attack spells for killing people and/or disabling them, so you can kill them.

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cost Cooldown While stunned? Description Effect w/o staff
Ice Burst
"NYTH ERRIN"
Iceburst.png 1 20 seconds Yes If magic missile wasn't enough to take care of the hordes, this spell typically will. Throw freezing balls of frost that leave trails of ice in their wake! Your victims (up to three) will be chilled to the bone and often frozen solid in blocks of ice. Any that aren't will slip and fall face-first on the ice unless they're wearing magic sandals. (Galoshes and walking will do nothing.) Use this fact to outrun them. Targets only one person, doesn't coat the floor in ice.
Blind
"YSTIGG MITAZIM"
Blind.png 1 10 seconds Yes Temporarily inflicts blindness on a target of your choice for 45 seconds, knocks them down for a brief two seconds, and causes blurred vision and eye damage. The blindness part can be blocked by VISOR goggles, which also reduce the eye damage and blurred vision. Blindness lasts only 30 seconds, the victim is knocked down for only one second, and less blurred vision and eye damage.
Bull's Charge
"RAMI TIN"
Bullc.png 1 15 seconds No Records your movement for 4 seconds, after which a massive bull charges along the recorded path, smacking anyone unfortunate to get in its way (excluding yourself) and dealing a significant amount of brute damage in the process. Watch your head for loose items, they are thrown around too. Because bull's charge is very situational and somewhat hard to master, you should combine it with magic missile or another spell that stuns your victims. In addition, the Chaplain cannot be hurt or stunned by the bull, though they still can be affected by any items thrown around by it.
Rathen's Secret
"ARSE NATH"
Arsenath.png 2 50 seconds Yes Send asses flying as the power of your spell tears them from their owners in a shower of gibs and gore! The spell itself does not stun, but all the blood and gibs created can be a slipping hazard. You (normally) don't have to worry about it though, since the magic sandals prevent slipping.

If the victim's ass is already gone, this spell becomes much meaner, as it now deals moderate damage and has a chance of also severing one of their limbs. The spell goes for an arm, then a leg, then an arm, then a leg, and the precise chance of limb removal depends on the limb. Bear arms, shambler tenacles, and all robotic limbs above light strength cannot be removed by the spell. Brullbar and werewolf arms can resist the spell somewhat, but are still vulnerable. Light robolegs and roboarms and all other types of limbs are completely susceptible!

In addition, the spell can also remove tails if at least one limb is missing, with more missing limbs making it more likely.
Clown's Revenge
"NWOLC EGNEVER"
ClownRevenge.png 2 135 seconds Yes Can you hear it? The pained laughter? The dull smack of a forehead against metal and glass? The incessant need to honk without end? Spare all pity and show no mercy, for you have brought the curse of the cluwne to the station! After standing still for 3 seconds and with a puff of smoke, even the worst of threats will be reduced to that of a hideous, mewling, crying, honking ur-clown, leaving it with no easy means to save itself from its dreadful clothing and ghoulish cranial damage. The accursed clothing is impossible to remove except by the touch of a holy one, cyborg conversion, or the sweet release of death.
Fireball
"MHOL HOTTOV"
Fireball.png 2 40 seconds Yes Casts a homing fireball that causes 20 BRUTE and explodes on impact with the target, severely injuring everybody in the vicinity and setting them alight. The explosion cannot destroy walls, machinery, or flooring, but it can heat and ignite flammable materials (e.g. fuel tanks) caught in its wake, including yourself. The impact of the fireball itself can still break windows and grilles, bust open lockers, etc. if you're willing to stand around and shoot at the same thing over and over.

This has interesting effects on the Chaplain. If you aim directly at them, they'll completely absorb the fireball, and it'll fizzle out with no kaboom. However, if you aim around them, they can still be hurt by resulting explosion.

Very deadly due to the combination of blast damage, limb loss, stun and the effects from burning up alive (accumulating burn damage, movement penalty etc.) Use the splash damage to hit someone who is hiding around a corner.
Weaker explosion, shorter range.
Prismatic Spray
"PROJEHK TUL IHNFERNUS"
Primspray.png 1 25 seconds Yes Spews out 12 projectiles of random damage and effect in a very wide cone in the direction of where you're aiming. Damage is highly variable, and the projectiles usually won't damage the station and have a difficult time hitting people lying down. Accuracy is abysmal, but if you're getting mobbed or firing at close range, that doesn't matter so much. The Chaplain is also completely immune to the projectiles. Can't cast spell at all.
Baleful Polymorph
"YORAF UHRY"
Animal.png 2 135 seconds Yes Temporarily turns the target into a critter, randomly chosen from a special list, for 8 minutes, greatly reducing their amount of equipment slots. Close range spell with a short "charging time", making it rather difficult to use on moving targets. Only works on humans (this includes roachpeople, cows, etc.), so you can't use this on cyborgs or someone who is still polymorphed.

List of potential polymorphs include: cat, dog (includes the pug, shiba inu, and corgi breeds), any of the various types of parrots, owl, turkey, timberdoodle, seagull, sparrow, crow, goose, swan, floating eye, pig, bat, angry bat, nicespider, (adult) clownspider, baby icespider, baby spider, fly, mosquito, wasp, raccoon, seal, walrus, slug, snail, bee!, man-eater, fermid, and crab. Each has an equal chance of being chosen, which totals out to about 3% for each.
Longer cooldown, victim still transformed for 8 minutes.
Shocking Touch
"EI NATH"
Grasp.png 1 45 seconds No A powerful electric arc will erupt from your fingertips, burning any unfortunate target within two tiles into critical condition. The arc can then jump to nearby people (3x3 range centered on the person you initially aimed at), burning and momentarily stunning every mob it passes through. This means shocking touch can double as a passable crowd control spell if used correctly. Only the initial victim is targeted and burnt (though not critically so), nobody else.

Miscellaneous

Odd spells that don't quite neatly fit into any of the other categories.

Name
(Voice Line)
Icon Cost Cooldown While stunned? Description Effect w/o staff
Pandemonium
"WATT LEHFUQUE"
Pandemonium.png 1 40 seconds Yes The spell of the wizard who's feeling lucky today! This spell can have any of the following effects: temporarily halves the cooldown of all your spells; randomly summons meteors or a bunch of grilles around you; temporarily gives everybody funny accents or breaks their radios; makes you use the vampire's chiropteran screech; stuns people around you briefly, makes them high or sets them on fire. The random effect may harm you as well.

Wizardry 101

You spawn on the wizard's den in your underwear. Grab a robe and hat of your choice from the magical wardrobe, get yourself a staff (plus a few spares to put in your backpack or backpack box) and make sure you have your teleportation scroll. Go through your tome and pick up your spells of choice. Once you're done, head over to the computer at the front of your ship, and use it to teleport wherever you want.

What spells you pick depends on what your game plan is. It can be anything from "murder some dudes" to "steal everybody's butts and sacrifice them to lava"; so long as you stick to the Rules, you have a lot of leeway. If you're stuck, here are some ideas:

  • Throw a wild party in the bar! Pick Pandemonium and Summon Golem, and bug Chemistry/Hydroponics for drugs so that your golems get everybody sky-high when they explode and punch people.
  • Want to cosplay as your favorite Sith Lord? Take Shocking Touch and/or Staff of Thunder (Force "Lightning") and Warp (Force "Push"). Be sure to make vaguely sinister remarks and one-liners over the radio.
  • Turn the station into a zoo! Learn Baleful Polymorph (and Clown's Revenge too, if you're feeling mean, or Blind if you don't think Magic Missile isn't going to cut it), and give all those polymorph silly names. Phase shift through the walls of the AI Upload, and give the AI and Cyborgs a law to act as a "zookeeper"/"Steve Irwin" of your little troupe of animals.

Don't worry too much about whether you picked the "right" spells or picked the "right" gimmick. If your gimmick goes flat or makes a turn into the unexpected, that's fine. If you just want to zip around, fight everyone, and fill the afterlife with salty ghost tears, that's fine too. (Though we can't recommend that.) Like with Traitor, it doesn't matter if you did things "right", just that you made a valiant attempt.

You probably aren't going to succeed the first time you play wizard anyways, so don't feel bad. Wizards usually only come in groups of one to three, so numbers are always going to be against you. Watch and learn from other wizards, and mentorhelp any questions you might have.

Goleming Tips

Consider robbing chemistry or the bar. Even if you're just going to use the jelly beans for your golems, you can still drastically extend their usefulness by extracting the beans and spreading them onto several pills. You won't get any of the fun chems, but you will get loads of more sugar golems from each bean. Keep them in a pill bottle for easy keeping!

Several chems have !!FUN!! effects when made into a golem. Experiment! Here's a list of some you might want to consider:

  • Silver Sulfadiazine/Styptic Powder: While it's true that sulfadiazine/styptic golems can heal people, they also forcibly inject it with every punch, causing TOX damage. Often drastically underestimated.
  • Black Powder: Sometimes detonates upon death, resulting in a massive explosion most chemnerds can only dream about.
  • Disease Reagents: Golems inject enough chems with every punch to instantly infect those they hit. It'll still take a while for the associated diseases to fully advance, and they can only infect so many people before their internal reservoir empties out, but with some luck, you can turn the whole station into cluwnes/birds without even taking the associated spells.
  • Bubsium: In addition to being hilariously huge, they pull all items and mobs (including you) around them towards themselves, like a walking gravity artifact, screwing up everyone's movement.

Rampaging Tips

Strongly consider dealing with the chaplain. Track him down and murder him if he didn't already launch himself into space out of boredom before you showed up. Chaplains are immune to most of your spells, so it's easiest to get your hands on a gun or something heavy to bash his head in, just be ready to cut bullets out of your guts. The chapel's holy aura will stop you from casting spells, so don't follow people in there.

Also, consider going to the armory and blowing up some of the items, such as the rack of riot shotguns. You'll deprive the station of some anti-wiz weapons, and besides, they're not much use to you anyways given you have spells that are much more powerful than any of them.

Fighting a Wizard

Please be aware of the special guidelines regarding the wizard shuttle.

If you're the chaplain, you don't have to worry about most of his spells (the ones that summon followers or destroy parts of the station can still hurt you, though). If you aren't, the wizard is a deadly opponent. Stunning a wizard will make him drop his staff but won't prevent him from casting spells. They'll just be weakened. Your aim is to knock him out, which will stop him from casting.

The best way to do this is with the assistance of an angry mob to overwhelm him. Once knocked out, try to strip him naked and beat him to death with blunt objects. A wizard with a teleport scroll prepared can teleport away to his den, so if you stun him, knock him out as fast as possible and don't allow him to recover. Plus, if you try to strip a wizard hat or robe off them, you have a high chance to fail to take it off, so it might take a lot of tries, making it even more important to knock them out. The crime chem can be useful in this regard. If the Wizard's chosen soulguard, which will save their life once, you'll have to do this all over again.

Drinking glasses are handy too. No, you don't force them to drink from it, you throw it at them, thus delivering a heapful heaping of whatever hellchems were in it. You might think throwing a glassful of flurosulfuric acid or similar at them might be a good choice, since it melts a lot of headwear, and wizards need their hats for magic. Unfortunately, you'd be wrong, since said hat is immune to acids, because magic.

Dealing with Polymorph

Listen closely, because lots of people misunderstand this: unless you were an antagonist before you were polymorphed, you should not randomly attack crew members just because.

Though you have greatly reduced health, speed, and number of equipment slots and can't use most weapons as a polymorph, you're not out of the game just yet. The transformation will wear off after 8 minutes, so if you can stay alive for that long, you can finally return to being human (or a lizard or whatever). In the meantime, you can still fight back. You can use flashes, wield knives and screwdrivers, and punch/bite/gnaw/claw the crap out of the wizard, among many other things. Also, your special attack abilities are actually functional, so you can actually sting wizards as a wasp or poke their eyes out as a parrot. Using Space Pods and the like is more difficult though; you can't pilot the pod/miniputt/minisub, but you can still ride along and man the weapons.

Notably, you can still throw drinking glasses and pour beakers of chemicals, allowing you to continue waging chemical warfare. (Unless you become a slug. In which case, the only warfare you'll wage is your slime trail against the Janitor.) In fact, you can still use all chemistry equipment, including chem dispensers.

You have to be extra, extra careful now though. Because you've so little health, most guns and melee weapons can take you down in just a few hits. Just standing near a fireball can take out a good chunk of your health or even outright kill you, a fact that some truly nefarious Wizards will happily exploit.

If you die while still a critter, that's not the end. A Roboticist can butcher your corpse to extract your brain and place it a cyborg chassis. Under default cyborg laws, you won't be able to harm the wizard, since they're considered human, but you will be able to counteract bloodshed and station damage they cause.

Supplementary Video

Gallery

MischievousWizard.png


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