Jobs

This is a list of every possible job to choose.

Please note!

While the job descriptions reflect some actual truths or common behaviors/occurances, they are mainly jokes and are not the actual job description. They should not be taken be interpreted as actual instructions or advice. Please don't randomly fight people as a staff assistant or build traps as a mechanic. Unless you're an antagonist of course.

In addition, if you're on the Goon RP #1 server, you're expected to respect your job's boundaries and put in some effort into doing your associated job duties--though, of course, you aren't expected to do it perfectly. See RP Rules in general and Rules #5 & #6 in particular for more details/explanations.

Goon #2 and #3 are not subject to RP #1'S restrictions, and you are thus allowed to do things not normally associated with your job, like repairing walls as a Chaplain or doing surgery as a Mechanic. Naturally, you aren't expected to do perfect either. However, things still get iffy and complicated if you want to perform duties normally done by Security Officers, like hunt down antags; when in doubt, adminhelp (Hotkey: F1) for clarification. And, of course, the Rules still apply.

Civilian Jobs

These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes rarely. On the latejoin "Select a Job" and Job Preferences menus, these jobs are colored light blue, with the exception of Clown, which gets a gaudy hot pink.

Civilian Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Staff Assistant	Produce mass quantities of bath salts in maint, be a nuisance, and ruin everything. Scavenge the station for weapons and gear weed and pills.	Easy	Maintenance
	Chef	Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches. Place pies inside pies that contain pies.	Easy	Kitchen
	Chaplain	Steal corpses for funerals. Fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed. Hand out bibles to monkeys. Become the Buddhist-Jewish-Christian-Muslim-Hindu-Atheist-Satanist prophet the station needs.	Easy	Chapel, Morgue
	Barman	Get drunk; shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob Beepsky while dealing with an angry staff assistant. Become a victim of Russian Roulette two minutes into the round.	Easy	Bar
	Botanist	Completely ignore the chef's requests; start a grow-op. Click your best plant yourself with a chainsaw. Petition the Captain to legalize marijuana.	Easy to Medium	Hydroponics, Maintenance
	Janitor	Clean already clean floors; whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart. Clean up crime scenes before Security has a chance to investigate.	Easy to Medium	Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance
	Clown	Trip on your own shoes; regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts. Bully cluwnes to compensate for your terrible job. Consider going back to law school.	H o n k !	Maintenance

Engineering Jobs

These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support. On the latejoin "Select a Job" and Job Preferences menus, these jobs are colored orange yellow.

Engineering Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Mechanic	Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways. Become the ultimate hackerman.	Medium	Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything
	Engineer	Realize you have no idea how to start the engine, then use up all the plasma immediately and die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves.	Easy to Medium	Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything
	Miner	Completely ignore the mineral magnet; fuck off into space. Run out of air. In the ocean, intentionally accidentally strike a hotspot; wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Fly laps around the station.	Medium	Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Maintenance
	Quartermaster	Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay. Hire workers and start up your own delivery company.	Medium	Cargo Bay, Maintenance

Research Jobs

These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment. On the latejoin "Select a Job" and Job Preferences menus, these jobs are colored blue-purple/purple-blue.

Research Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Medical Doctor	Never heal anyone; whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest monkey organs for cash. Join the round 30 minutes late just to find out you're the only doctor. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed. Perform a heart transplant while drunk and high. Focus all medical efforts on the Bar.	Medium	Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance
	Geneticist	Make volunteers Skeleton Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys sentient lab monkeys. Ignore animal experimentation laws. Fail to create a bee-human hybrid. Commit crimes against humanity.	Easy-Medium	Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance
	Roboticist	Steal all the butts for buttbots. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built. Build yourself a wife, leave her on the station when the escape shuttle arrives.	Medium	Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance
	Scientist	Ignore the Artifact Lab; synthesize nerve agents and drugs without a gas mask. Steal the AI using Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire. Test dangerous concoctions on monkeys. Gain the undying loyalty of staff assistants with triple meth. Attract the love and hate of everyone. Attempt to combine every drug into one pill.	Medium-Hard	Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab

Command/Security Jobs

These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive. On the latejoin "Select a Job" and Job Preferences menus, Security jobs are colored red, while Command ones are green.

Command/Security Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Security Officer	Do your job correctly; beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit. Get the respect of a mall cop.	Underappreciated (Hard)	Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
	Detective	Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar. Monologue the farts of you and your crew. Force journalists and tourists to follow you around.	Easy to Hard	Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
	Chief Engineer	Make the station hotter than the surface of the Sun; make hella bank. Suffocate in areas you're too lazy to repair.	Medium	Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Medical Director	Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate Sell all your blood. Assign all your doctors to the gym.	Medium	Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Research Director	Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Drug everyone so none may question your authority. Explode into spiders.	Medium to Hard	Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Head of Security	Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat. Put an end to any and all fun.	Nightmarish	Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	Head of Personnel	Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Steal Acquire the captain's energy gun. Disappear immediately and forever.	Medium to Hard	Make your own Captain-level ID
	Captain	Shoot your cat. reprogram the AI and become Double Captain. Get laid in front of singularities. Confiscate all drugs, alcohol, and cash. Hand off your job to the clown as soon as trouble arrives. Promote Beepsky to Head of Security. Make bee-harming illegal.	All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard)	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)

Antagonist Roles

These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.

Some antags are so bad, they have their own game modes.

Antagonist Roles With a Mode of Their Own
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Traitor	Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves.	Medium to Hard	Depends on job
	Nuclear Operative	Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station.	Hard	Maintenance
	Wizard	Run around trying to kill everyone; get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.	Easy to Hard	Walk through walls
	Changeling	Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, then get shoved in the gibber while on fire.	Easy to Hard	Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)
	Blob	Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires and pod lasers like a magnet.	All-consuming	Irrelevant
	Gang leader	Spawn your closet outside Security. Create a drug cartel. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI.	Nightmarish	Depends on job
	Gangster	Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas.	Medium	Depends on job
	Revolutionary	Greytide to your heart's content. Attempt to bring the spirit of Che Guevera to the station, channel Maximilien Robespierre instead.	Easy to Hard	Depends on job
	Spy Thief	Attempt to claim your bounty in the Bridge, only to find the captain waiting there with a gun.	Easy to Hard	Depends on job
	Vampire	Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!!	Easy to Hard	Depends on job

Some antagonists don't have their own modes and thus less common. Others only appear under certain circumstances.

Antagonist Roles Without Their Own Mode
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Werewolf	Appearance: Mixed (Action) mode Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon.	Hard	Pry doors open
	Wraith	Appearance: Traitor and Mixed (Action) modes Spook the crew's guts out. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.	Salty	Irrelevant
	Wrestler	Appearance: Mixed (Action) mode Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway?	Medium	Depends on job
	Predator	Appearance: Random event Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less.	Hard	Pry doors open
	Grinch	Appearance: Christmas season Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you.	Mean	Depends on job
	Krampus	Appearance: Christmas season, special spawn Squirm. Scream. Block doors. Get stuck in space.	Naughty	None

Special Roles

Special roles for players.

Special Roles
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
64px	AI	Open doors. Get bored. Retract airbridges. Purge all the nonhumans.	Psychologically devastating	Everything
	Cyborg	Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape. Run out of power.	Medium	Everything
	Monkey	Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.	Nightmarish	Depends on job, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
	Cluwne	THE RINGMASTER DOESN'T RUN THE CIRCUS... HONK!!!!	KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!	Whatever ID you used to have, assuming no enterprising thieves steal it
	Ghost	Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut. Give advice to the local poltergeist.	Spooky	Irrelevant
	Ghost Drone	Repair stuff. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery.	Easy	Engineer
	Critter	Drink beer. Eat food. Steal crayons. Get squished.	Easy	Depends on the critter.
	Santa Claus	Flood the station with presents and snacks. Spread the magic of Christmas/Spacemas wherever you go.	Jolly	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)

Job of the Day

Every day, one of these jobs will be available.

Job of the Day
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Tourist	Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself within minutes.	Easy	None
	Vice Officer	Raid Botany; smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen; eat their burgers.	Medium	Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance
	Lawyer	Have your suitcase stolen; represent the thief in court.	Easy	Security, Brig, Maintenance
	Barber	Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat.	Frustrating	Maintenance
	Boxer	Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig.	Easy	Maintenance
	Mailman	Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office.	Easy	Maintenance

Gimmick Jobs

All these jobs are exclusively available to those who join a round after it starts, though slots are still limited, of course. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish. On the latejoin "Select a Job" menu, they appear in regular black font and under the "Special Jobs" header. (Try not to read too much into it.)

Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)	Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane. Get overthrown by security.	Medium	Bridge
	Regional Director	Pretend that you're important; get your all-access ID looted immediately.	Medium	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	Pharmacist	Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants. Create Strange Reagent all day, every day.	Easy	Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance
	Test Subject	Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.	Hard	None, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
	Union Rep	Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob.	Medium	None
	Diplomat (Ambassador)	Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station.	Medium	None
	Musician	Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot; lose terribly.	Easy	None
	Salesman (Merchant)	Start a black market; find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.	Easy	None
	Journalist	Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat; explode.	Easy	None
	Inspector	Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members.	Medium	Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance
	Coach	Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.	Easy	None
	Sous Chef	Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.	Easy	Kitchen
	Waiter	Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen; receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.	Easy	Kitchen, Bar
	Apiculturist (Apiarist)	Bees. Bees everywhere.	Easy	Hydroponics, Maintenance
	Radio Show Host (Talk Show Host)	Host a radio show to keep the crew entertained. Be ignored. Play fart music out of boredom.	Easy	Maintenance
	Psychologist (Therapist, Psychotherapist)	Cover the Clown in gold star stickers. Prescribe amphetamines for every problem. Succumb to madness.	Easy	Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance
	Head Surgeon	Have an identity crisis with a cardboard box/medibot & a Markov chain bot. Try to reestablish your authority over the Medical department. Get shot by guy who superseded you.	Medium to Hard	Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance
	Mime	Have your hat AND mask stolen by the Clown. Attempt to explain how your vow of silence is not a vow at all in screams and farts. Get shot in the face while typing your custom emote.	. . .	Maintenance

Admin Intervention

This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Hard-mode Traitor	Look up to the big boys; cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of their fancy toys.	Medium to Hard	Depends on job
	Omnitraitor	Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time!	Trivial	Pry doors open, walk through walls
	Zombie	Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob.	Apocalyptic	Depends on job
	Flockmind	Shout indecipherable nonsense at the AI. Get completely ignored. Boss around your drones. Get completely ignored.	Work in Progress	Irrelevant
	Macho Man	MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT!	GUARANTEED VICTORY	YEAH
	Syndicate Special Operative	Get shot by your own team-mates. Slip over your own blood, lose your rifle to an Assistant. Explode.	Turkey Shoot to Cannon Fodder	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	NT-SO Special Operative	Fire you gun incessantly just to hear it pew-pew. Lose your laser assault rifle to a Clown. Defeat an ancient eldritch monster from the stars, only to die of suffocation.	Contra to X-COM	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	Battler	Spend on your syndie donks on Space damage. Get attacked while waiting for the lootbox opening animation to finish. Escape, only to die to a BATTLE STORM.	April Fool	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)

Discontinued Jobs

Jobs that are no longer available to players.

Discontinued Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Elite Security	Gave players more power to punish each other; re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.	Hard	Everything
	Chemist	Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink.	Easy to Hard	Chemistry, Research Corridors
	Technical Assistant	Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail.	Easy	Tech Storage, Maintenance
	Medical Assistant	Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey.	Easy	Medbay, Maintenance
	Atmospheric Technician	Gassed the crew. Started more fires than they were supposed to stop. Lost relevance after atmospherics was significantly streamlined and revamped.	Easy	EVA, Maintenance
	Construction Worker	Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term.	Easy	You made your own access
	Spy	Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway.	Hard	Depended on job
	Intruder	Attempted to re-enact the The Colour Out of Space. Discontinued by higher inscrutable powers before it could even land.	Eldritch	Float through walls
	Martian	Harvested the station crew for meat and turned them into fellow spaghetti monsters. Abandoned due to spaghetti code.	Squishy	None

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