Difference between revisions of "Jobs"

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(Actually, I'll put the "Create a drug cartel." blurb back, because that is very spot-on for a Gang Leader)
(Grammar and some other minor things.)
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Staff Assistant]]
|title=[[Staff Assistant]]
|description=Produce mass quantities of [[Chemistry#Drugs|bath salts]] in [[Maintenance|maint]], be a nuisance, ruin '''everything'''. Scavenge the station for <strike>[[Murder#Flamethrower|weapons]] and [[General_Objects#Fanny_Pack|gear]]</strike> [[Guide_to_Botany#Cannabis|weed]] and [[Chemistry#Drugs|pills]].
|description=Produce mass quantities of [[Chemistry#Drugs|bath salts]] in [[Maintenance|maint]], be a nuisance, and ruin '''everything'''. Scavenge the station for <strike>[[Murder#Flamethrower|weapons]] and [[General_Objects#Fanny_Pack|gear]]</strike> [[Guide_to_Botany#Cannabis|weed]] and [[Chemistry#Drugs|pills]].
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Chaplain]]
|title=[[Chaplain]]
|description=Steal [[Staff_Assistant|corpses]] for funerals, fart on your bible. Never be around when you are [[Wizard|actually]] [[Vampire|needed]]. Hand out bibles to [[monkey|monkeys]]. Become the Buddhist-Jewish-Christian-Muslim-Hindu-Atheist-Satanist prophet the station needs.  
|description=Steal [[Staff_Assistant|corpses]] for funerals. Fart on your bible. Never be around when you are [[Wizard|actually]] [[Vampire|needed]]. Hand out bibles to [[monkey|monkeys]]. Become the Buddhist-Jewish-Christian-Muslim-Hindu-Atheist-Satanist prophet the station needs.  
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Chapel]], [[Morgue]]}}
|access=[[Chapel]], [[Morgue]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Barman]]
|title=[[Barman]]
|description=Get [[Foods_and_Drinks#Dispenser|drunk]], shoot your [[Security Objects#Riot Shotgun|sweet gun]] at your [[Staff_Assistant|bar patrons]]. Get subsequently looted by <s>a mob</s> [[Beepsky%27s_House|Beepsky]] while dealing with an [[Staff_Assistant#A_Traitorous_Assistant:_The_Underdog_Insurgent|angry staff assistant]]. Become a victim of [[General_Objects#Russian_Revolver|Russian Roulette]] two minutes into the round.
|description=Get [[Foods_and_Drinks#Dispenser|drunk]]; shoot your [[Security Objects#Riot Shotgun|sweet gun]] at your [[Staff_Assistant|bar patrons]]. Get subsequently looted by <s>a mob</s> [[Beepsky%27s_House|Beepsky]] while dealing with an [[Staff_Assistant#A_Traitorous_Assistant:_The_Underdog_Insurgent|angry staff assistant]]. Become a victim of [[General_Objects#Russian_Revolver|Russian Roulette]] two minutes into the round.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Bar]]}}
|access=[[Bar]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Botanist]]
|title=[[Botanist]]
|description=Completely ignore the [[Chef|chef's]] requests, start a [[Guide_to_Botany#Available Crops|grow-op]]. Click <s>your best plant</s> yourself with a chainsaw. Petition the [[Captain]] to legalize [[Guide_to_Botany#Cannabis|marijuana]].
|description=Completely ignore the [[Chef|chef's]] requests; start a [[Guide_to_Botany#Available Crops|grow-op]]. Click <s>your best plant</s> yourself with a chainsaw. Petition the [[Captain]] to legalize [[Guide_to_Botany#Cannabis|marijuana]].
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|access=[[Hydroponics|Hydroponics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Hydroponics|Hydroponics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Janitor]]
|title=[[Janitor]]
|description=Clean already clean floors, whine about [[Head of Security|beatings]]. Stuff ''everything'' into your trash cart. Place wet floor signs on [[Traitor|crime]] [[Nuclear_Operative|scenes]].
|description=Clean already clean floors; whine about [[Head of Security|beatings]]. Stuff ''everything'' into your trash cart. Place wet floor signs on [[Traitor|crime]] [[Nuclear_Operative|scenes]].
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|access=[[Janitor's Closet]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Janitor's Closet]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Clown]]
|title=[[Clown]]
|description=Trip on your own shoes, regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get [[Security Officer|beaten]] for your efforts. Bully [[Cluwne|cluwnes]] to compensate for your terrible job. Consider going back to law school.
|description=Trip on your own shoes; regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get [[Security Officer|beaten]] for your efforts. Bully [[Cluwne|cluwnes]] to compensate for your terrible job. Consider going back to law school.
|difficulty=''H o n k !''   
|difficulty=''H o n k !''   
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Mechanic]]
|title=[[Mechanic]]
|description=Ask nicely to scan the [[Captain|captain's]] [[Murder#Sidearms (energy)|energy gun]], then run off with it. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Suffocate]] while [[Space Pod#Building the Pod|building a pod]]. Place [[MechComp|Graviton traps]] all over the hallways.
|description=Ask nicely to scan the [[Captain|captain's]] [[Murder#Sidearms (energy)|energy gun]], then run off with it. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Suffocate]] while [[Space Pod#Building the Pod|building a pod]]. Place [[MechComp|Graviton traps]] all over the hallways. Become the ultimate [[Advanced_Guide_to_ThinkDOS|hackerman]].
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Electronics]], [[Maintenance]]}}, [[Hacking|hack into everything]]
|access=[[Electronics]], [[Maintenance]]}}, [[Hacking|hack into everything]]
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Engineer]]
|title=[[Engineer]]
|description=Use up all the plasma immediately, die in an explosion. Assault [[Staff_Assistant|people]] who take insulated gloves.
|description=Realize you have no idea how to start the engine, then use up all the plasma immediately and die in an explosion. Assault [[Staff_Assistant|people]] who take insulated gloves.
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|access=[[Engineering]], [[Maintenance]], [[Hacking|hack into everything]]}}
|access=[[Engineering]], [[Maintenance]], [[Hacking|hack into everything]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Miner]]
|title=[[Miner]]
|description=Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Run out of air.]] In [[Oshan Laboratory|the ocean]], <s>intentionally</s> accidentally strike a hotspot, wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. [[Guide_to_Mining#Mining_Pod|Fly]] laps around the station.
|description=Completely ignore the mineral magnet; fuck off into space. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Run out of air.]] In [[Oshan Laboratory|the ocean]], <s>intentionally</s> accidentally strike a hotspot; wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. [[Guide_to_Mining#Mining_Pod|Fly laps]] around the station.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Medical Doctor]]
|title=[[Medical Doctor]]
|description=Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice [[Doctoring|brain surgery]] on yourself. Harvest [[Monkey|monkey]] organs for cash. Be the first doctor to show up 30 minutes into the round. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed. Perform a heart transplant while drunk and high. Focus all medical efforts on the [[Bar]].
|description=Never heal anyone; whine when people take medkits. Practice [[Doctoring|brain surgery]] on yourself. Harvest [[Monkey|monkey]] organs for cash. Join the round 30 minutes late just to find out you're the only doctor. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed. Perform a heart transplant while drunk and high. Focus all medical efforts on the [[Bar]].
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Scientist]]
|title=[[Scientist]]
|description=Ignore the [[Artifact Lab]], synthesize [[Chemistry#Poisons and Toxic Shit|nerve agents]] and [[Chemistry#Drugs|drugs]] without a mask. Steal the [[Artificial_Intelligence|AI]] with [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]]. Heat the burn mix canister, [[Doctoring#Burn|burn]] to death in a massive fire. Test dangerous concoctions on [[Monkey|monkeys]]. Gain the undying loyalty of [[Staff_Assistant|staff assistants]] with triple meth. Attract the love and hate of everyone. Attempt to combine every drug into one pill.
|description=Ignore the [[Artifact Lab]]; synthesize [[Chemistry#Poisons and Toxic Shit|nerve agents]] and [[Chemistry#Drugs|drugs]] without a gas mask. Steal the [[Artificial_Intelligence|AI]] using [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]]. Heat the burn mix canister, [[Doctoring#Burn|burn]] to death in a massive fire. Test dangerous concoctions on [[Monkey|monkeys]]. Gain the undying loyalty of [[Staff_Assistant|staff assistants]] with [[Chemistry#SECRET_CHEMS|triple meth]]. Attract the love and hate of everyone. Attempt to combine every drug into one pill.
|difficulty=Medium-Hard
|difficulty=Medium-Hard
|access=[[Artifact Lab]], [[Chemistry]], [[Toxins]], [[Research Sector]], [[Teleporter Lab]]}}
|access=[[Artifact Lab]], [[Chemistry]], [[Toxins]], [[Research Sector]], [[Teleporter Lab]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Security Officer]]
|title=[[Security Officer]]
|description=Do your job correctly, beat the utter ''shit'' out of the [[Clown]]. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit. Get the respect of a mall cop.
|description=Do your job correctly; beat the utter ''shit'' out of the [[Clown]]. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit. Get the respect of a mall cop.
|difficulty=''Underappreciated'' (Hard)
|difficulty=''Underappreciated'' (Hard)
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Research Sector|Research Corridors]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Research Sector|Research Corridors]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Chief Engineer]]
|title=[[Chief Engineer]]
|description=Realize you have no clue how to start the engine, die in a fire. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Suffocate]] in areas you refuse to repair.  
|description=Make the station hotter than the surface of the Sun; make hella bank. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Suffocate]] in areas you're too lazy to repair.  
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Engineering]], [[Electronics]], [[Cargo Bay]], [[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Bridge]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Engineering]], [[Electronics]], [[Cargo Bay]], [[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Bridge]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Research Director]]
|title=[[Research Director]]
|description=Sell "medicinal" [[Chemistry#Drugs|drugs]] for cash. Make the [[Robots#GuardBuddy|Guardbuddies]] arrest everyone. Delete the [[TermOS#The_Network|network.]] Explode into spiders. Drug everyone so none may question your authority.  
|description=Sell "medicinal" [[Chemistry#Drugs|drugs]] for cash. Make the [[Robots#GuardBuddy|Guardbuddies]] arrest everyone. Delete the [[TermOS#The_Network|network.]] Drug everyone so none may question your authority. Explode into spiders.
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|access=[[Research Sector|Research]], [[Artifact Lab|Artifacts]], [[Toxins]], [[Chemistry]], [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]], [[Teleporter Room|Teleporter]], [[Bridge]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Research Sector|Research]], [[Artifact Lab|Artifacts]], [[Toxins]], [[Chemistry]], [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]], [[Teleporter Room|Teleporter]], [[Bridge]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Captain]]
|title=[[Captain]]
|description=Shoot your cat, [[AI_Laws|reprogram]] the AI and become Double Captain. [[Sex_and_the_Singularity|Get laid in front of singularities]]. Confiscate all drugs, alcohol, and [[Spacebux|cash]]. Hand off your job to the [[Clown|clown]] as soon as [[Revolutionary|trouble]] arrives. Promote [[Beepsky%27s_House|Beepsky]] to Head of Security. Make bee-harming illegal.
|description=Shoot your cat. [[AI_Laws|reprogram]] the AI and become Double Captain. [[Sex_and_the_Singularity|Get laid in front of singularities]]. Confiscate all drugs, alcohol, and [[Spacebux|cash]]. Hand off your job to the [[Clown|clown]] as soon as [[Revolutionary|trouble]] arrives. Promote [[Beepsky%27s_House|Beepsky]] to Head of Security. Make bee-harming illegal.
|difficulty=All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard)
|difficulty=All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard)
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Traitor]]
|title=[[Traitor]]
|description=Buy a [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Hit yourself with the [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Be the villain the station deserves.
|description=Buy a [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Hit yourself with the [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Be the [[Syndicate_Items#Fake Moustache|villain]] the station deserves.
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Wizard]]
|title=[[Wizard]]
|description=Run around trying to kill everyone, get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.
|description=Run around trying to kill everyone; get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|access=Walk through walls}}
|access=Walk through walls}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Changeling]]
|title=[[Changeling]]
|description=Try to eat the chef's monkeys. [[Changeling#Shambling_Abomination|Go loud]], get shoved in the gibber while on fire.
|description=Try to eat the chef's monkeys. [[Changeling#Shambling_Abomination|Go loud]], then get shoved in the gibber while on fire.
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|access=Depends on job, pry doors open ([[Changeling#Shambling Abomination|shambler]])}}
|access=Depends on job, pry doors open ([[Changeling#Shambling Abomination|shambler]])}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Wraith]]
|title=[[Wraith]]
|description=Spook the crew's guts off. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.
|description=Spook the crew's guts out. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.
|difficulty=Salty
|difficulty=Salty
|access=Irrelevant}}
|access=Irrelevant}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Revolutionary]]
|title=[[Revolutionary]]
|description=Greytide to your heart's content. Attempt to bring the spirit of Che Guevera to the station, channel Robespierre instead.
|description=Greytide to your heart's content. Attempt to bring the spirit of Che Guevera to the station, channel Maximilien Robespierre instead.
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[AI]]
|title=[[AI]]
|description=Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off. Purge all the [[Human|nonhumans]].
|description=Open doors. Get bored. Retract airbridges. Purge all the [[Human|nonhumans]].
|difficulty=Psychologically devastating
|difficulty=Psychologically devastating
|access=Everything}}
|access=Everything}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Cyborg]]
|title=[[Cyborg]]
|description=Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.
|description=Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape. Run out of power.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=Everything}}
|access=Everything}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Vice Officer]]
|title=[[Vice Officer]]
|description=Raid [[Hydroponics|Botany]], smoke their weed. Raid the [[Kitchen]], eat their burgers.
|description=Raid [[Hydroponics|Botany]]; smoke their weed. Raid the [[Kitchen]]; eat their burgers.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Hydroponics]], [[Kitchen]], [[Bar]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Hydroponics]], [[Kitchen]], [[Bar]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Lawyer]]
|title=[[Lawyer]]
|description=Have your suitcase stolen, represent the thief in court.
|description=Have your suitcase stolen; represent the thief in court.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Security_(place)|Security]], [[Brig]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Regional Director
|title=Regional Director
|description=Pretend that you're [[Head_of_Security|important]], get your all-access ID looted immediately.
|description=Pretend that you're [[Head_of_Security|important]]; get your all-access ID looted immediately.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Musician
|title=Musician
|description=Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a [[Cyborg#Brobot|brobot]], lose terribly.
|description=Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a [[Cyborg#Brobot|brobot]]; lose terribly.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Salesman ''(Merchant)''
|title=Salesman ''(Merchant)''
|description=Start a black market, find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.
|description=Start a black market; find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Journalist
|title=Journalist
|description=Pursue the next [[Wizard|big scoop]]. Ask the saber-wielding [[Traitor|traitor]] if he has time for some questions. Tip your [[Clothing#Head|hat]], explode.
|description=Pursue the next [[Wizard|big scoop]]. Ask the saber-wielding [[Traitor|traitor]] if he has time for some questions. Tip your [[Clothing#Head|hat]]; explode.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Waiter
|title=Waiter
|description=Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen, receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.
|description=Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen; receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Kitchen]], [[Bar]]}}
|access=[[Kitchen]], [[Bar]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Hard-mode Traitor
|title=Hard-mode Traitor
|description=Look up to the [[Traitor|big boys]], cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the [[Syndicate Items|fancy toys]].
|description=Look up to the [[Traitor|big boys]]; cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of their [[Syndicate Items|fancy toys]].
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Elite Security]]
|title=[[Elite Security]]
|description=Gave players more power to punish each other. Re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.
|description=Gave players more power to punish each other; re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Hard
|access=Everything}}  
|access=Everything}}  

Revision as of 21:49, 13 January 2019

This is a list of every possible job to choose.

Please note!

The job descriptions are mainly jokes and are not the actual job description. Please don't randomly fight people as a staff assistant or build traps as a mechanic. Unless you're a traitor of course. And for the love of God at least try to do your job.

Civilian Jobs

These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes rarely.

Civilian Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Ass64.png Staff Assistant Produce mass quantities of bath salts in maint, be a nuisance, and ruin everything. Scavenge the station for weapons and gear weed and pills. Easy Maintenance
Chef64.png Chef Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches. Place pies inside pies that contain pies. Easy Kitchen
Jobchap.png Chaplain Steal corpses for funerals. Fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed. Hand out bibles to monkeys. Become the Buddhist-Jewish-Christian-Muslim-Hindu-Atheist-Satanist prophet the station needs. Easy Chapel, Morgue
Jobbar.png Barman Get drunk; shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob Beepsky while dealing with an angry staff assistant. Become a victim of Russian Roulette two minutes into the round. Easy Bar
Botanist.png Botanist Completely ignore the chef's requests; start a grow-op. Click your best plant yourself with a chainsaw. Petition the Captain to legalize marijuana. Easy to Medium Hydroponics, Maintenance
Jobjan.png Janitor Clean already clean floors; whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart. Place wet floor signs on crime scenes. Easy to Medium Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance
Jobclown.png Clown Trip on your own shoes; regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts. Bully cluwnes to compensate for your terrible job. Consider going back to law school. H o n k ! Maintenance


Maintenance Jobs

These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support.

Maintenance Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Jobelec.png Mechanic Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways. Become the ultimate hackerman. Medium Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything
Jobeng.png Engineer Realize you have no idea how to start the engine, then use up all the plasma immediately and die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves. Easy to Medium Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything
Jobminer.png Miner Completely ignore the mineral magnet; fuck off into space. Run out of air. In the ocean, intentionally accidentally strike a hotspot; wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Fly laps around the station. Medium Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Maintenance
Jobqmas.png Quartermaster Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay. Hire workers and start up your own delivery company. Medium Cargo Bay, Maintenance


Research Jobs

These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment.

Research Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Med64.png Medical Doctor Never heal anyone; whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest monkey organs for cash. Join the round 30 minutes late just to find out you're the only doctor. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed. Perform a heart transplant while drunk and high. Focus all medical efforts on the Bar. Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance
Gen64.png Geneticist Make volunteers Skeleton Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys sentient lab monkeys. Ignore animal experimentation laws. Fail to create a bee-human hybrid. Commit crimes against humanity. Easy-Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance
Rob64.png Roboticist Steal all the butts for buttbots. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built. Build yourself a wife, leave her on the station when the escape shuttle arrives. Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance
Jobsci.png Scientist Ignore the Artifact Lab; synthesize nerve agents and drugs without a gas mask. Steal the AI using Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire. Test dangerous concoctions on monkeys. Gain the undying loyalty of staff assistants with triple meth. Attract the love and hate of everyone. Attempt to combine every drug into one pill. Medium-Hard Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab


Personnel Jobs

These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive.

Personnel Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Sec64.gif Security Officer Do your job correctly; beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit. Get the respect of a mall cop. Underappreciated (Hard) Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
Jobdet.png Detective Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar. Monologue the farts of you and your crew. Force journalists and tourists to follow you around. Easy to Hard Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
Jobceng.png Chief Engineer Make the station hotter than the surface of the Sun; make hella bank. Suffocate in areas you're too lazy to repair. Medium Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
MedicalDirector.png Medical Director Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate Sell all your blood. Assign all your doctors to the gym. Medium Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
Jobhor.png Research Director Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Drug everyone so none may question your authority. Explode into spiders. Medium to Hard Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
Hos2012.gif Head of Security Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat. Put an end to any and all fun. Nightmarish Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
HoP64.png Head of Personnel Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Steal Acquire the captain's energy gun. Disappear immediately and forever. Medium to Hard Make your own Captain-level ID
Capn2x.png Captain Shoot your cat. reprogram the AI and become Double Captain. Get laid in front of singularities. Confiscate all drugs, alcohol, and cash. Hand off your job to the clown as soon as trouble arrives. Promote Beepsky to Head of Security. Make bee-harming illegal. All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard) Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)


Antagonist Roles

These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.

Antagonist Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Jobtrait.png Traitor Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves. Medium to Hard Depends on job
Dracula.png Vampire Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!! Easy to Hard Depends on job
NewNukeOp64.png Nuclear Operative Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station. Hard Maintenance
Wizard64.png Wizard Run around trying to kill everyone; get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat. Easy to Hard Walk through walls
Changeling.png Changeling Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, then get shoved in the gibber while on fire. Easy to Hard Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)
Wraith64.png Wraith Spook the crew's guts out. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once. Salty Irrelevant
BlobOvermind64.png Blob Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires and pod lasers like a magnet. All-consuming Irrelevant
GangLeader64.png Gang leader Spawn your closet outside Security. Create a drug cartel. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI. Nightmarish Depends on job
GangMember64.png Gangster Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas. Medium Depends on job
Jobrev.png Revolutionary Greytide to your heart's content. Attempt to bring the spirit of Che Guevera to the station, channel Maximilien Robespierre instead. Easy to Hard Depends on job
Jobspythief2.png Spy Thief Attempt to claim your bounty in the Bridge, only to find the captain waiting there with a gun. Easy to Hard Depends on job
Werewolf64 2.png Werewolf Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon. Hard Pry doors open


Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.

Niche Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Predator64.png Predator Appearance: Random event
Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less. 		Hard Pry doors open
Grinch.png Grinch Appearance: Christmas season
Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you. 		Mean Depends on job
KRAMPUS64.png Krampus Appearance: Christmas season, special spawn
Squirm. Scream. Block doors. Get stuck in space. 		Naughty None


Special Roles

Special roles for players.

Special Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
64px AI Open doors. Get bored. Retract airbridges. Purge all the nonhumans. Psychologically devastating Everything
BJobcyborg2.gif Cyborg Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape. Run out of power. Medium Everything
Jobmonkey.png Monkey Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie. Nightmarish Depends on job, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
Cluwne2x.png Cluwne THE RINGMASTER DOESN'T RUN THE CIRCUS... HONK!!!! KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!! Whatever ID you used to have, assuming no enterprising thieves steal it
Ghost.png Ghost Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut. Give advice to the local poltergeist. Spooky Irrelevant


Drone64x64.png Ghost Drone Repair stuff. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery. Easy Engineer
Roach64x64.png Critter Drink beer. Eat food. Steal crayons. Get squished. Easy Depends on the critter.
Santa64.png Santa Claus Flood the station with presents and snacks. Spread the magic of Christmas/Spacemas wherever you go. Jolly Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)


Job of the Day

Every day, one of these jobs will be available.

Job of the Day
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Tourist64.png Tourist Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself within minutes. Easy None
ViceOfficer64.png Vice Officer Raid Botany; smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen; eat their burgers. Medium Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance
Lawyer64.png Lawyer Have your suitcase stolen; represent the thief in court. Easy Security, Brig, Maintenance
AtmosphericTechnician64.png Atmospheric Technician Gas the crew. Wonder why you don't have access to Engineering. Easy EVA, Maintenance
Barber64.png Barber Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat. Frustrating Maintenance
Boxer64.png Boxer Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig. Easy Maintenance
Mailman64.png Mailman Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office. Easy Maintenance


Gimmick Jobs

A random selection of these jobs is available to those who join a round after it starts. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish.

Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
VIP65.png VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor) Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane. Get overthrown by security. Medium Bridge
HollywoodActor64.png Hollywood Actor Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly. Easy None
RegionalDirector64.png Regional Director Pretend that you're important; get your all-access ID looted immediately. Medium Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
Pharmacist64.png Pharmacist Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants. Create Strange Reagent all day, every day. Easy Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance
TestSubject64.png Test Subject Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station. Hard None, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
UnionRep64.png Union Rep Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob. Medium None
Diplomat64.gif Diplomat (Ambassador) Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station. Medium None
Musician64.png Musician Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot; lose terribly. Easy None
Salesman64.png Salesman (Merchant) Start a black market; find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted. Easy None
Journalist65.png Journalist Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat; explode. Easy None
Inspector64.png Inspector Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members. Medium Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance
Coach64.png Coach Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN. Easy None
SousChef64.png Sous Chef Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin. Easy Kitchen
Waiter64.png Waiter Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen; receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit. Easy Kitchen, Bar
Apiculturist.png Apiculturist (Apiarist) Bees. Bees everywhere. Easy Hydroponics, Maintenance
RadioHost64.png Radio Show Host (Talk Show Host) Host a radio show to keep the crew entertained. Be ignored. Play fart music out of boredom. Easy Maintenance


Admin Intervention

This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Hard-ModeTraitor64.png Hard-mode Traitor Look up to the big boys; cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of their fancy toys. Medium to Hard Depends on job
Wrestler64.png Wrestler Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway? Medium Depends on job
Omnitraitor64.png Omnitraitor Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time! Trivial Pry doors open, walk through walls
Zombie64.png Zombie Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob. Apocalyptic Depends on job
Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind Shout indecipherable nonsense at the AI. Get completely ignored. Boss around your drones. Get completely ignored. Work in Progress Irrelevant
MachoMan64.png Macho Man MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT! GUARANTEED VICTORY YEAH


Discontinued Jobs

Jobs that are no longer available to players.

Discontinued Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
EliteSecurity64.png Elite Security Gave players more power to punish each other; re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately. Hard Everything
HeadSurgeon64.png Head Surgeon Tried to be the Medical Director way, way too early. Medium to Hard Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Maintenance
Chemist64.png Chemist Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink. Easy to Hard Chemistry, Research Corridors
Techassistant.png Technical Assistant Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail. Easy Tech Storage, Maintenance
Medicalassistant.png Medical Assistant Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey. Easy Medbay, Maintenance
ConstructionWorker.png Construction Worker Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term. Easy You made your own access
Jobspy.png Spy Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway. Hard Depended on job


Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Security 		CaptainNew64.gif Captain · HeadOfSecurityV2-64x64.gif Head of Security · HeadOfPersonnelV2-64x66.png Head of Personnel · ChiefEngineer64.png Chief Engineer · ResearchDirectorV2-64x70.png Research Director · MedicalDirectorNew64.png Medical Director

TankTopSecurityOfficer.gif Security Officer · DetectiveNew64.png Detective · SecurityAssistantNew64.png Security Assistant

NanotrasenSecurityOperativeWithSuit68.gif Nanotrasen Security Consultant

Medical &
Research 		MedicalDoctorNew64.gif Medical Doctor · MedicalAssistantNew.png Medical Trainee · RoboticistNew64.png Roboticist · Genetics wiki big.gif Geneticist

ScientistV3-64x64.png Scientist · ResearchAssistantNew.png Research Trainee

Engineering EngineerCoatNew64.png Engineer · TechassistantNew.png Technical Trainee

QuartermasterNew64.png Quartermaster · MinerV3-64x64.png Miner

Civilian

AssistantNew64.png Staff Assistant · JanitorNew64.png Janitor · ChaplainNew64.png Chaplain · MailmanV2-64x64.png Mail Courier · RadioHostV2-64x64.png Radio Host · MimeNew64.png Mime

Chef64new.png Chef · BartenderNew64.png Bartender · BotanistNew64.png Botanist · Rancher2.png Rancher

ClownNew64.png Clown

SousChefV2-64x64.png Gimmick jobs

Silicon AIV3-64.gif Artificial Intelligence · CyborgV3-64x64.gif Cyborg
Jobs of the Day Dungeoneer64x64.png Dungeoneer · BarberV2-64x64.png Barber · WaiterV2-64x64.png Waiter · LawyerV2-64x66.png Lawyer · TouristNew64.png Tourist · MusicianV2-64x64.png Musician · BoxerV2-64x64.png Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend64x64.PNG Arcfiend · BlobOvermind64.png Blob · AbominationAnimated64x96.gif Changeling · GangLeaderV2-64x68.png Gang Member · Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind (Featherdrone-flocktrace.gif Flocktrace) · SyndicateAssaultTrooperV3-64x64.png Nuclear Operative · SpyThiefV2-64x64.png Spy Thief · TraitorNew64.png Traitor · HeadRevolutionaryV2-64x64.png Revolutionary · VampireV2-64x64.png Vampire (VampThrallV3-64x64.png Thrall) · WizardNew64.gif Wizard
Others HardmodeTraitorNew64.png Sleeper Agent · WerewolfV2-64x68.png Werewolf · WraithV2-64x64.png Wraith (Poltergeist64.png Poltergeist) · WrestlerV2-64x64.png Wrestler · PredatorV2-64x64.png Hunter · GrinchMitch.png Grinch · KrampusSquish.gif Krampus · OmniTraitorV2-64x64.gif Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Drone64x64.png Ghostdrone · MonkeyResprite64.png Monkey · SpaceMouse64.png Critter · GhostV3-64x64.png Ghost · CluwneNew64.png Cluwne · SantaClausV2-64x64.png Santa Claus
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