Jobs

These are all the jobs you can fuck up choose.

Civilian Jobs

These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes.

Civilian Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Staff Assistant	Fight everyone, ruin everything.	Easy	Maintenance
	Chef	Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches.	Easy	Kitchen
	Chaplain	Steal corpses for funerals, fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed.	Easy	Chapel
	Barman	Get drunk, shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob.	Easy	Bar
	Botanist	Completely ignore the chef's requests, start a grow-op. Click your best plant yourself with a chainsaw.	Easy to Medium	Hydroponics, Maintenance
	Janitor	Clean already clean floors, whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart.	Easy to Hard	Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance
	Clown	Trip on your own shoes, regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts.	H o n k	Maintenance

Maintenance Jobs

These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support.

Maintenance Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Mechanic	Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways.	Medium	Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything
	Engineer	Use up all the plasma immediately, die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves.	Easy to Medium	Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything
	Miner	Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. Run out of air.	Easy to Medium	Mining, Mining Outpost, Maintenance
	Quartermaster	Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay.	Medium	Cargo Bay, Maintenance

Research Jobs

These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment.

Research Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Medical Doctor	Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest your own organs for cash.	Medium	Medbay, Pathology, Maintenance
	Geneticist	Make volunteers Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys.	Hard	Medbay, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance
	Roboticist	Steal all the butts. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built.	Medium	Medbay, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance
	Scientist	Ignore the Artifact Lab, synthesize nerve agents without a mask. Steal the AI with Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire.	Hard	Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab

Personnel Jobs

These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive.

Personnel Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Security Officer	Beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Stun yourself repeatedly. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later.	Soul Crushing	Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
	Detective	Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar.	Easy to Hard	Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
	Chief Engineer	Realize you have no clue how to start the engine, die in a fire. Suffocate in areas you refuse to repair.	Medium	Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Medical Director	Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate all your blood.	Medium	Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Research Director	Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Explode into spiders.	Medium to Hard	Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
	Head of Security	Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat.	Harder than Hard	Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	Head of Personnel	Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Disappear immediately and forever.	Medium to Hard	Make your own Captain-level ID
	Captain	Shoot your cat, reprogram the AI and become Double Captain.	Nightmarish	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)

Antagonist Roles

These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.

Antagonist Roles
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Traitor	Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves.	Medium to Hard	Depends on job
	Vampire	Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!!	Easy to Hard	Depends on job
	Nuclear Operative	Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station.	Hard	Maintenance
	Wizard	Run around trying to kill everyone, get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat.	Easy to Hard	Walk through walls
	Changeling	Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, get shoved in the gibber while on fire.	Easy to Hard	Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)
	Wraith	Spook the crew's guts off. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once.	Salty	Irrelevant
	Blob	Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires like a magnet.	All-consuming	Irrelevant

Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.

Niche Roles
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Werewolf	Appearance: Random event Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon.	Hard	Pry doors open
	Predator	Appearance: Random event Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less.	Hard	Pry doors open
	Grinch	Appearance: Christmas season Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you.	Mean	Depends on job

Special Roles

Special roles for players.

Special Roles
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
64px	AI	Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off.	Psychologically devastating	Everything
	Cyborg	Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.	Hard	Everything
	Monkey	Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.	Nightmarish	Depends on job, walk under tables
	Cluwne	HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!!!	KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!	Removed
	Ghost	Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut.	Spooky	Irrelevant
	Ghost Drone	Repair stuff with your little friends. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery.	Easy to Medium	Engineer

Job of the Day

Every day, one of these jobs will be available.

Job of the Day
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Tourist	Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself in minutes.	Easy	None
	Vice Officer	Raid Botany, smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen, eat their burgers.	Medium	Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance
	Lawyer	Have your suitcase stolen, represent the thief in court.	Easy	Security, Brig, Maintenance
	Atmospheric Technician	Gas the crew. Wonder why you don't have access to Engineering.	Easy	EVA, Maintenance
	Barber	Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat.	Frustrating	Maintenance
	Boxer	Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig.	Easy	Maintenance
	Mailman	Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office.	Easy	Maintenance

Gimmick Jobs

A random selection of these jobs is available to those who join a round after it starts. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish.

Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)	Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane.	Medium	Bridge
	Hollywood Actor	Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly.	Easy	None
	Regional Director	Pretend that you're important, get your all-access ID looted immediately.	Medium	Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
	Pharmacist	Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants.	Easy	Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance
	Test Subject	Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.	Hard	None, walk under tables
	Union Rep	Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob.	Medium	None
	Diplomat (Ambassador)	Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station.	Medium	None
	Musician	Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot, lose terribly.	Easy	None
	Salesman (Merchant)	Start a black market, find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted.	Easy	None
	Journalist	Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat, explode.	Easy	None
	Inspector	Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members.	Medium	Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance
	Coach	Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.	Easy	None
	Sous Chef	Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.	Easy	Kitchen
	Waiter	Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen, receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit.	Easy	Kitchen, Bar
	Apiculturist (Apiarist)	Bees. Bees everywhere.	Easy	Hydroponics, Maintenance

Admin Intervention

This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Hard-mode traitor	Look up to the big boys, cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the fancy toys.	Medium to Hard	Depends on job
	Gang leader	Spawn your closet outside Security. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI.	Nightmarish	Depends on job
	Gangster	Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas.	Hard	Depends on job
	Wrestler	Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway?	Medium	Depends on job
	Omnitraitor	Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time!	Trivial	Pry doors open, walk through walls
	Zombie	Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob.	Apocalyptic	Depends on job
	Macho Man	MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT!	GUARANTEED VICTORY	YEAH

Discontinued Jobs

Jobs that are no longer available to players.

Discontinued Jobs
Mugshot	Job Title	Description	Difficulty	Access
	Elite Security	Gave players more power to punish each other. Re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately.	Hard	Everything
	Head Surgeon	Tried to be the Medical Director way, way too early.	Medium to Hard	Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Maintenance
	Chemist	Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink.	Easy to Hard	Chemistry, Research Corridors
	Technical Assistant	Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail.	Easy	Tech Storage, Maintenance
	Medical Assistant	Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey.	Easy	Medbay, Maintenance
	Construction Worker	Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term.	Easy	You made your own access
	Spy	Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway.	Hard	Depended on job

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