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Monkeys, the other featherless biped on the station. A few monkeys can be found in various places on the map, but most monkeys reside in Genetics's monkey pen and (oddly enough) ValuChimp vending machines in Chemistry and the Kitchen. Some monkeys, however, are controlled by players. It's possible to sign up as a monkey through the Test Subject gimmick job, Changelings can transform into monkeys through the Lesser Form ability, geneticists can transform people into monkeys, and eating a monkey cheeseburger may rarely transform you into a monkey.

They used to show up in the game mode bearing their namesake, where they were viral in nature and existed to infect humans into more monkeys. This game mode was sadly discontinued because it was shit.

Abilities and Restrictions

Regardless of whether it's controlled by a human player or a computer, every monkey has these following traits:

  • Have two hands and can use the same items humans can
  • Can jump over tables by moving into them or clicking on them with a free hand. There is a delay to jumping over tables, at about 1 second per tile of table, i.e. the longer the table, the longer the delay. If the table is longer than 7 tiles or there's some sort of obstacle at the other end (e.g. a wall), the jump will fail and briefly stun the monkey.
  • Can hide under beds by clicking on them with a free hand.
  • Can use the mail system as a means of transportation.
  • Monkeys tend to be hard to hit due to their smaller sprite.
  • Can wear the same jump- and exosuits as humans, although many sprites don't fit monkeys particularly well.
  • Less maximum stamina--150 rather than 200.
  • Monkeys' speech comes out as "chimpers" to non-monkeys, except to Ghosts and those with Monkeyspeak. Obviously, other monkeys can understand it. Monkeys wearing a vocal translator can be understood as normal, i.e. their words don't come out as "chimpers".
  • Usually not considered Human under AI Laws.
  • Last but not least, a superb selection of fart messages. A true monkeys will only communicate through farts and rude gestures.

In addition, monkeys that are controlled by players and monkeys that are just NPCs have a few differences, primarily in the realm of resources they give to certain antagonists. NPC monkeys usually give less rewards than what a normal human might give or even none at all. For example, Vampires cannot suck blood from NPC monkeys, and Blobs get only one Evo Point rather than 4. However, monkeys controlled by players give the same benefits as usual humans, e.g. though Changelings cannot absorb NPC monkeys, they can absorb player monkeys, just like with regular humans.

Furthermore, player monkeys must be dead before they can be put into a enzymatic reclaimer or put on a meat spike for monkey meat (they need to be dead to be put into a gibber too, but that's the way for all mobs).

Being a Monkey

Being small and hairy is not all fun and games. These are some things to keep in mind:

  • Monkeys can understand what humans are saying just fine, but it doesn't work the other way around. Your primary means of communication will likely be paper and PDA messages. Telepathy works as usual, and people with Monkeyspeak can decipher your chimpers, if you want them to understand you for some reason.
    • If paper, PDA messages, and/or telepathy are too cumbersome for you, consider obtaining a vocal translator. It allows you to be understood by humans and other non-monkeys, so you can talk like normal instead of needing to rely on slower means to communicate.
    • Failing all that, you can always try to pantomime things using emotes and other non-verbal means of communication, as if you were a Mime.
  • Even though it is a jerk move to attack other players without an excuse, monkeys are usually considered fair game, so long as there is a decent reason, usually that you're being annoying and/or a jerk. Furthermore, changelings can turn into monkeys with one of their powers, so if there's one about, people will be doubly suspicious of you.
  • Likewise, synthetics don't include monkeys in their definition of "human" in the default lawset. A malicious AI or cyborg may decide to ruin your day. Having a machine translator implant can have you make the AI and/or borgs act as translators, and likely make them a teeny tiny bit less hostile towards you (hopefully).

NPC Monkeys

Most NPC monkeys spawn one of many, many randomly chosen names, absolutely chockful of references. There're names like "COBOL", "Professor Elemental", "Legolas", "DaVinci", "Horatio Jiggle", "Doc Brown", "Mr. Sledra" (an Admin from long ago), and, what's probably the most mundane, "help me im turn into an monkies".

As previously mentioned, NPC monkeys give less resources to certain antagonists that absorb victims for points and/or supplies, e.g. Werewolf gets less healing and no points or stamina boosts from NPC monkeys, while Vampire cannot drink from NPC monkeys at all. Again, these do not apply to monkeys controlled by players, who work as they would with a normal human.

Monkey AI

NPC monkeys randomly move about and occasionally say randomly generated phrases like "Need 400 credits" or "Want PDA". When monkeys are around humans, they're rather jerks. They sometimes attempt to pick something out of your pocket or randomly disarm you, shoving you to the ground or knocking something out of your hand. Monkeys also like to pick up guns and other weapons off the ground.

Monkeys are smart enough to try to unbuckle themselves and break out of handcuffs and similar, but not so much with blindfolds or bedsheets. Not that anyone's complaining; monkeys are absolutely oblivious when blinded and won't attempt to fight back or really do anything. In addition, if put in a vehicle, monkeys will attempt to dismount it, and if frozen in a block of ice through cryostylane, they'll attempt to break out.

Monkeys will fight back if you hit them or if a Critter or Wraith-animated object attacks them. Monkeys don't monkey around when fighting. If they see a toolbox, extinguisher, or other melee weapon, they'll pick it up and try to beat/stab you with it. If they find a knife or fork, they'll chuck it at you with alarming accuracy. They won't hesitate to take a gun and shoot you with it, even if it's a gun that'll make them shoot themselves.

Handling Monkeys

Certain jobs handle NPC monkeys on a regular basis. For example, the Chef slaughters monkeys for meat. Geneticists often use monkeys for genetics work, while Scientists use them for testing chemical concoctions. Proper care must be taken not to provoke them.

  • Limit the number of Monkeys wandering about. Each and every one of them could potentially attack you if one witnesses you attacking their kind.
    • If you are getting Monkeys from the Monkey Pen in Medbay, never leave the door to the enclosure open, and once you're through, remember to click on the doors to close them.
    • If you are getting Monkeys from the ValuChimp, don't vend more Monkeys than you need.
  • An unrestrained Monkey will likely pick up weapons, such as a Staple Gun, a Knife, or a Toolbox, which will make their attacks more lethal. Try to put any potential weapons away or keep the Monkey in some place that doesn't have them.
  • Restrain your Monkey by:
    • Using Blindfolds located in the grey Animal Control Lockers.
    • Grabbing a Bedsheet from a bed and equip the Bedsheet in the Monkey's Outer Suit slot.
    • Getting a Straight Jacket or Handcuffs and click on the Monkey. Once restrained they will be able to move, but won't we able to do any damage.
  • Monkeys will move away from you faster than you can restrain them. Stand so that the Monkey is between you and the wall to prevent it from interrupting the restraining.
  • Pull the restrained Monkey to where you want it.
  • If you must grab (as in, clicking on them with Grab intent) the Monkey at some point, DO NOT grab until the very end and you are in a safe space where other Monkeys cannot see you or, if they can see you, they cannot reach you.
  • Monkeys will often stop attacking you once you get into critical condition, so after seeking medical assistance you can try to handle the Monkey again.

Special Monkeys

There are some NPC monkeys that are a little different from other monkeys. They have a unique, static name and spawn in certain locations on each map. They always wear clothes that vaguely resemble those of the humans of the spaces they dwell in.

Every map has a Monsieur Stirstir, easily recognizable by his bright orange beret and jumpsuit. The couple Mr. and Mrs. Muggles wear blue and magenta jumpsuits, honoring the uniforms of the first spacepeople. Mr. Rathen wears a yellow jumpsuit, while Krimpus has a Botanist's one. Albert, an ever intrepid explorer, wears the standard grey space suit and helmet set, which has a unique sprite for monkeys, while Oppenheimer dons an evil red space suit and helmet that has a similarly unique sprite. ???? starts with a horse mask that's difficult to remove. Tanhony, meanwhile, forgoes jumpsuits and masks, and wears a paper hat, like someone who should be a Captain or HoP.

Name Location (Cog1) Location (Cog2) Location (Destiny) Location (Clarion) Location (Oshan) Location (Manta)
Mr. Muggles Bar Bar Bar Bar Bar N/A
Mrs. Muggles Warehouse Central Storage Port Crew Lounge Outside Head Quarters Supply Depot N/A
???? Observatory Crew Quarters Aviary Owlery Observatory N/A
Albert Telescience Telescience Telescience Telescience MIA Still MIA
Mr. Rathen Engine Engine Engine Engine Power Room N/A
Krimpus Hydroponics N/A Hydroponics Hydroponics Hydroponics N/A
Tanhony Market N/A Pool N/A Courtroom N/A
Oppenheimer Syndicate Battlecruiser Syndicate Battlecruiser Syndicate Battlecruiser Syndicate Battlecruiser Syndicate Battlecruiser Syndicate Battlecruiser
Monsieur Stirstir Brig Brig Brig Brig Brig Brig

Barrel of Monkeys

"More fun than a ValuChimp!"

Traitor Staff Assistants, Geneticists, and Test Subjects can order a few special monkeys through the barrel of monkeys item. They spawn inside a "mysterious barrel", and when the corresponding signaller is activated, 5-6 angry bandanna-wearing monkeys will pop out.

Normal monkey AI is pretty bad enough, but these monkeys are even worse. They'll throw items more often, so you can expect plenty of utensils and air tanks achieving flight and crash-landing into you. More importantly, and far worse, unlike their non-barrel-brethren, they keep on attacking you even when you're in critical condition, and they'll try to fight everyone they see, including the one who released them, even if they're just looking at them funny.

Supplementary Videos


MonkeyInSec.gif WarningMonkey.jpg MonkeyWithaGun.png

Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Captain · Head of Security · Head of Personnel · Chief Engineer · Research Director · Medical Director · Security Officer · Detective · Security Assistant · Nanotrasen Security Operative‎
Medical &
Geneticist · Roboticist · Scientist · Medical Doctor
Engineering Quartermaster · Miner · Mechanic · Engineer
Civilian Chef · Bartender · Botanist · Rancher · Janitor · Chaplain · Staff Assistant · Radio Host · Clown · Gimmick jobs
Jobs of the Day Mime · Barber · Mailman · Lawyer · Tourist · Musician · Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend · Blob · Changeling · Conspirator · Gang Member · Flockmind · Nuclear Operative · Spy Thief · Traitor · Revolutionary · Vampire · Wizard
Others Grinch · Hunter · Krampus · Werewolf · Wraith · Wrestler · Zombie · Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Artificial Intelligence · Battler · Cluwne · Critter · Cyborg · Ghost · Ghostdrone · Monkey · Santa Claus