Chef

As the Chef, your job is to feed the station with delicious food and ice cream. You are the only man who can keep the crew's morale up with your wonderful cuisine. The only problem is, of course, to make people eat your food. You see, years and years of bad cookery have destroyed the chef's reputation. Sometimes, a brave person will eat your food, and hopefully will be pleasantly surprised. You may be asking how you actually make all these culinary masterpieces. This is a true art, which can only be perfected by training, and occasionally dying horribly.

To Serve Man

Main article: Foods and Drinks

Cogmap2Cogmap1DestinyClarionOshanAtlas

Your kitchen, right by the Cafeteria in the northwest.

Your kitchen, just above the behind-the-counter area of the Cafeteria.

Your kitchen, right across the hallway from the Bar.

Your kitchen, stragetically accessible from the top right corner of the Bar.

Your kitchen, directly left of the Bar.

Your kitchen, a quaint little rectangle by Cafeteria.

In SS13, there is a good variety of foodstuffs that you can make, such as cakes, pizzas, ice creams, and many others. Usually, edibles will heal people for a small amount. This is all some food, like bread slices, are good for.

Some food, however, may actually be graded in how tasty it is. Besides a small message showing up along the lines of "this tasted amazing" or "this is rather dry", a larger amount of health can be regained by eating high-quality food. Nowadays, foods can even give temporary buffs, and better food gives more and better buffs. Many players are willing to play along, so having an amazing tasting cake could, for example, prompt the captain to throw money at you, while an awful one can end up being thrown on your face. Ingredients aren't really important to how a food taste, usually, as long as you are following the recipe. What is really important is the procedure (which usually means cooking time). So, it is worth it to experiment with the recipes. If something tastes bland, try cooking a little more, or a little less. Not all recipes are subject to this aspect (bread slices, for example, always taste the same), but many are.

A few of the recipes, like the pizza or the cake, will allow you to insert some ingredient or other of your choice. Once you have cake batter, for example, you can mix it with almost any foodstuff, as long as it will fit the mixer. Furthermore, you can also put any liquid in the icing tube to use as icing. So, you can have cakes varying from the normal, like chocolate cake with coffee icing, to unusual, like meat cake with cheese icing, to the nonsense, like steam ice cream cake with ice icing. Besides the decorative aspect, the ingredients you use will remain active, and affect whoever eats it. Be aware that anyone can check what these dishes are made off by just examining them. Experiment and see what you can stuff into different foods!

If you fuck up a recipe, you'll typically end up with a ????? or smoldering mess, either of which gives whoever's dumb enough to eat it food poisoning (although the reagent you extract from it can be useful for certain chemical recipes).

Monkey meat and you

The kitchen contains a monkey vending machines which.. well, dispenses monkeys. For a chef, the usual thing to do with a monkey is to drag it into the freezer, impale it on a spike, and use it for meat. Beware, however: monkeys pick up any weapon they come across and react with extreme anger to being grabbed or attacked in general. You should thus always pull the monkey into the freezer, and only then click on it with Grab intent to load it onto the spike before it can react.

Under no circumstances should you grab a monkey while in the kitchen or holding a knife. If you do, in a few seconds there will be a monkey with a knife. A few seconds later there will be a chef with a stab wound. A few seconds after that there will be a chef running for medbay and and an enraged knife-wielding monkey following them out of the kitchen into the public corridors. See how bad it is? What's worse, you could end up with entire mob of extremely aggressive monkeys that are out for your blood if you so much as lay a finger on one of them and they can see it. If you happen to get your hands on a flash, then working around with monkeys will be much easier.

If you do get hurt, you'll have to find some styptic powder patches to heal your bruises, the availability of which will depend on the map. On Cogmap2, you have a medicine cabinet below your freezer room that usually has some basic painkillers and perhaps a first-aid kit if you're lucky. East of the Bar is a MiniMed to buy healing patches from and even an entire Medical Booth that may or may not have a Medical Doctor standing by. Similarly, on Cogmap1, there's a MiniMed to Medical Booth east of the Bar. In addition, south of your kitchen is Emergency Storage, which has styptic powder mini-patches seemingly just for you. Most of time however, you'll probably have to limp your way to Medbay, hoping some Medical Doctor on the rounds finds you.

I hefe-a eccent huly sheet, Bork Bork Bork!

Sometimes, the chef will spawn with a bad case of Swedishness. This mostly incurable condition results in not only an undying love of Volvos and ABBA, but an annoying accent that makes everything you say very difficult to understand. Also, newbie AIs may not realize you are trying to communicate with them when you frantically scream "EEE TOORN OOFF ZEE CROOSHER."

Syndicate Shenanigans

The chef is rather suited to a traitor role. Few people will query a chef dragging a corpse, and even fewer will actually care about the corpses/human meat in your kitchen. The gibber provides an excellent (and tasty!) way to dispose of your foes permanently.

The chef gets an intimidating knife, which is quite powerful and causes a target hit by it to bleed everywhere and take more damage over time. As a bonus, any dead person you hit with the knife will be gibbed and turned into meat! If rampages aren't your style, spice up the burgers of unsuspecting patrons with special sauce and inject your food with horrible chemicals. Even the basic combination of vending machines and drink dispensers should yield enough nasty reagents to work with, but a basic knowledge of chemistry and access to hydroponics is definitely desirable.

Gallery

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