Difference between revisions of "Staff Assistant"

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Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the '''Staff Assistant'''.  Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down).  The only places you have access to are [[Tool Storage]] in the northeast and [[Tech Storage]] in the southwest corners of the station.
Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the '''Staff Assistant'''.  Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit, ID card, and access to [[Tool Storage]] and [[Tech Storage]], you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down).  


===BIG NOTE===
===BIG NOTE===

Revision as of 02:59, 2 October 2018

Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the Staff Assistant. Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit, ID card, and access to Tool Storage and Tech Storage, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down).

BIG NOTE

If you're not an antag PLEASE don't actively try to ruin shit, break into places, steal shit, and destroy stuff.


Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. This never, ever happens. Either bug the head of personnel or captain for a new job or steal a better ID from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should hostile entities make it to Space Station 13.

There used to be technical assistants and white-suited medical assistants, both of whom had more access than regular assistants. They were removed because all they did was loot the extra places they could access.

Here are some things you can do to make people like you if you're stuck as an assistant.

  • Drag corpses to medbay for cloning, to robotics for borging or to the chapel for a funeral. The chaplain has even less to do than you, and he'll be thrilled out of his mind to get corpses. Off the record you can also drag them to kitchen where they will probably make food out of them.
  • Do repairs, fight fires and fix gas leaks. You should probably learn how to build walls and floors, and how to use fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station. Be careful about repairing hacked doors unless you know what you're doing. Shocked doors are bad for making friends.
  • Wear the mailman suit and deliver forge letters to people.
  • Wear the party princess suit and be a pretty princess *sparklesparkle*.
  • Wear the reporter jacket and fedora, take pictures and do interviews.
  • Open up one of the market areas to sell stuff you find around the station for profit.
  • Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that, read his journal and play tag with Beepsky. Be aware that Beepsky always wins.
  • Stay useful by learning how to do other jobs. You could always get a new job from the HOP and become good at it. You might even become an unlikely hero.
  • Be nice to security. Rough housing with Sec is punished harshly.
  • Hang out in the gym with other assistants pumping weights, doing drugs and feeling the burn.
  • Donate your butt to the needy.
  • Play the saxophone. Start a band.

Crew Objectives

As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a staff assistant, you can expect to see the following:

End the round with your own butt on your head
Robotics can help here. Just tell the Roboticist you want your butt as a hat and they'll usually oblige you quickly.

End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you
Go bother the Head of Personnel or the Captain for a job change. Otherwise, steal an ID off a corpse. The latter might not complete the objective, but hey, new ID.

End the round wearing at least one piece of clown clothing
You could do as this objective says and wear just one piece of clown clothing, but a true assistant knows that you either wear the entire clown suit or nothing at all.

Ensure that Gnome Chompski escapes on the shuttle
Not only is Gnome an expert at hiding, but if you find him and bring him on the shuttle, it's likely someone will kidnap him before you can leave safely. Easily the hardest assistant objective.

Ensure that Head Surgeon escapes on the Shuttle
While Head Surgeon doesn't hide himself like Chompski, he tends to hang in Operating Theatre or the general Medbay area, which you have limited access to. Try asking your local Janitor or Medical Doctor to bring him out.

A Traitorous Assistant: The Underdog Insurgent

Don't fret when you become a traitor as an assistant. Assistants are widely considered only to be an annoying nuisance, use that to your advantage! While other traitors have to keep up the pretense of doing their real job, you don't have a real job. Although you could go to the HoP and request a promotion that will further your evil schemes. You have access to a few pod bays and other storage areas where you can find all the tools you'll need for breaking and entering, making traps and acquiring weapons. Use what little access you do have to your advantage.

Supplementary Video



Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Security
CaptainNew64.gif Captain · HeadOfSecurityV2-64x64.gif Head of Security · HeadOfPersonnelV2-64x66.png Head of Personnel · ChiefEngineer64.png Chief Engineer · ResearchDirectorV2-64x70.png Research Director · MedicalDirectorNew64.png Medical Director

TankTopSecurityOfficer.gif Security Officer · DetectiveNew64.png Detective · SecurityAssistantNew64.png Security Assistant

NanotrasenSecurityOperativeWithSuit68.gif Nanotrasen Security Consultant

Medical &
Research
MedicalDoctorNew64.gif Medical Doctor · MedicalAssistantNew.png Medical Trainee · RoboticistNew64.png Roboticist · Genetics wiki big.gif Geneticist

ScientistV3-64x64.png Scientist · ResearchAssistantNew.png Research Trainee

Engineering EngineerCoatNew64.png Engineer · TechassistantNew.png Technical Trainee

QuartermasterNew64.png Quartermaster · MinerV3-64x64.png Miner

Civilian

AssistantNew64.png Staff Assistant · JanitorNew64.png Janitor · ChaplainNew64.png Chaplain · MailmanV2-64x64.png Mail Courier · RadioHostV2-64x64.png Radio Host · MimeNew64.png Mime

Chef64new.png Chef · BartenderNew64.png Bartender · BotanistNew64.png Botanist · Rancher2.png Rancher

ClownNew64.png Clown

SousChefV2-64x64.png Gimmick jobs

Silicon AIV3-64.gif Artificial Intelligence · CyborgV3-64x64.gif Cyborg
Jobs of the Day Dungeoneer64x64.png Dungeoneer · BarberV2-64x64.png Barber · WaiterV2-64x64.png Waiter · LawyerV2-64x66.png Lawyer · TouristNew64.png Tourist · MusicianV2-64x64.png Musician · BoxerV2-64x64.png Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend64x64.PNG Arcfiend · BlobOvermind64.png Blob · AbominationAnimated64x96.gif Changeling · GangLeaderV2-64x68.png Gang Member · Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind (Featherdrone-flocktrace.gif Flocktrace) · SyndicateAssaultTrooperV3-64x64.png Nuclear Operative · SpyThiefV2-64x64.png Spy Thief · TraitorNew64.png Traitor · HeadRevolutionaryV2-64x64.png Revolutionary · VampireV2-64x64.png Vampire (VampThrallV3-64x64.png Thrall) · WizardNew64.gif Wizard
Others HardmodeTraitorNew64.png Sleeper Agent · WerewolfV2-64x68.png Werewolf · WraithV2-64x64.png Wraith (Poltergeist64.png Poltergeist) · WrestlerV2-64x64.png Wrestler · PredatorV2-64x64.png Hunter · GrinchMitch.png Grinch · KrampusSquish.gif Krampus · OmniTraitorV2-64x64.gif Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Drone64x64.png Ghostdrone · MonkeyResprite64.png Monkey · SpaceMouse64.png Critter · GhostV3-64x64.png Ghost · CluwneNew64.png Cluwne · SantaClausV2-64x64.png Santa Claus