Chaplain

Cogmap2Cogmap1DestinyClarionOshanAtlasManta

Your Chapel, an outpost of faith in the north.

Your Chapel, just a few steps left of a Bar.

Find your destiny in the Chapel, right of the Bridge in the midsection.

Your Chapel/Community Center, a place to exercise your soul after you exercise your body in the nearby Fitness Center.

Your Chapel in the northwest, where you can demonstrate the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.

Your Chapel in the top left, where prophets are born.

Your Chapel in the lower west/left/port side of the ship, where you can show your appreciation for Abzu.

The Chaplain's mission is to preach faith to the crew. They get an assortment of helpful holy items and are immune to many of the powers and abilities possessed by wizards, wraiths, and vampires. They also a crematorium and sometimes coffins and mass driver for holding funerals and sending off the dearly departed.

While you're often called upon to confront the supernatural when they manifest, this job is primarily a roleplaying role where you get to wear one of the many outfits in your locker and do silly harmless gimmicks. Go run around trying to convert people to Space Jesus! Design intricate Satanic cable art on the floor of the chapel!

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Generally, nothing. On many servers, the Chaplain would conduct RP services and do RP funerals, but on more light-hearted places like Goonstation, the Chaplain has very few real responsibilities. When you are Chaplain, you can generally consider yourself free to pursue whatever silly, non-violent gimmick you can think of. For example:

• Get an HoP to give you access to Botany and the Kitchen, make a ton of food, and screech at people to eat until they pass out because they're at God's table of plenty.
• Get Quartermaster access, make 20k extra, and convince the AI to transfer it to your account. Then throw the piles of money around, preaching the Prosperity Gospel.
• Grow a bunch of weed, make big piles in the Chapel, and invite people to join the United Church of Cannabis.
• Break into Robotics and churn out as many drones as you possibly can to do proper worship to the Omnissiah.
• Steal all the liquor on the station and then crush it, claiming it is an affront to your religion. Get killed by an angry mob of drunks who are sober for the first time in a decade.
• Knock out a wall in your office and install a window so you can watch the station hurry by in horror and panic while you quietly sip your tea.

There's no end to the dumb shit you can do!

Cults

Cults have been done a thousand times before you got here, and chances are, your fantastic idea will be the worst of those thousand times. Murderous cults are banning material. Don't even try it.

Special equipment

The holy man of the station has some unique equipment that nobody else has access to. It's important to know what it does.

The Bible

Sadly, you don't have access to a Torah, Qu'ran, Tripitaka, or an STC blueprint to fit your other robes, but the Bible has an interesting power all of its own. When equipped and used to strike someone, it has a flat 60% to heal them for 10 BRUTE and 10 BURN. The down side is that if it fails, the bible instead does 10 brain damage if they're not wearing some sort of helmet, which can add up and cause serious problems, including death. It also works differently if you're striking atheists; they get only 5 brain damage, but no healing. Still, when compared to lying disabled for 10 minutes or dying, many, many people will be happy to trade a few IQ points for the merciful healing of Jesus.

The Bible also hurts undead creatures, namely Vampires, Wraiths, and their revenants--more of them in later sections. It also cleanses cluwnes of their curse, more on that later too. It also works like a standard box. But don't put too incriminating in it; every Bible links to one single common inventory space that any one, even laity, can pull from. Put your whiskey ceremonial wine in it instead.

Also fart on the Bible and something unfortunate will happen. Unless you're an atheist.

Worth noting, the Bible can only heal, cause brain damage, cure cluwnes, and smite undead only in the hands of someone with Chaplain training, i.e. you. If someone who isn't the Chaplain tries to use it, it'll have no effect. In fact, it'll actually hurt them for 10 BURN, which they see on their end as "The book sizzles in your hands." They can still access its inventory though, as previously stated.

Faith

In addition, the Bible you spawn with is loaded with faith. Literally, it has a gun named Faith in it. Only someone with Chaplain Training (i.e. you) has enough faith to click on the bible to pull it out and put it back in, though laity can wield and fire it just fine. It starts with 4 shots of .22 LR. Four's not enough to kill someone on its own: each shot does 22 BRUTE, so with 4 that's up to 88 BRUTE, much less if the person has armor. Try using it with another weapon, perhaps as a coup de grace, or somehow find more ammo. Also, hide it from GuardBuddies and Secbots ; it's contraband, and you don't have a permit for it.

If you actually don't care about Faith and just want to access the Bible's inventory, you can just click-drag it onto yourself.

File:HolyWaterBottle-32x32.png Holy Water

The Chaplain also starts with a phial of holy water in their office in the Chapel. One always spawns in a "do-it-yourself holy water kit" kit in the religious supply locker, often another phial is sitting on a desk nearby. Holy Water is the proof positive way to test for a Vampire, if one is caught and trying to deny what it is. Splashing Holy Water on a human won't hurt him at all, but splashing Holy Water on a vampire will very obviously burn the undead abomination. Splashing holy water on a human also heals brain damage, if that person does not have the atheist trait, which can offset the brain damage of the bible.

That phial is usually the only source of holy water on the station, though it is possible for Chemistry to make more. It's quite easy to; it's simply water mixed with wine and mercury. Water is found exactly where you'd expect (sinks, bottled water, etc.), you can ask the Bartender to get you some wine and they can usually give you mercury too. If not, the Scientists can. In fact, that aforementioned "do-it-yourself holy water kit" in your "religious supplies locker" also contains 3 bottles of mercury (50 units in each) and 3 bottles of wine (30u in each) precisely so you can make it on your own.

Magic Sandals

The Chaplain starts with this neat footwear in the "Religious supplies" locker, and unless there's a Wizard on board, they're the only pair. When you wear them, the sandals act like improved galoshes in that you can't slip on ice or get stunned by runaway segways, while also stopping you from slipping on wet floors. They're also very difficult to steal once you put them on; any attempt to strip them off of you has a very high chance of failing.

The Chapel Itself

The Chapel itself has a few nice things you should be familiar with. Next to (and sometimes right inside) your office is room with a crematorium, which can be used to reduce bodies to ash. Simply click on it to pull out the tray, shove whatever/whoever you want to bake into ashes onto the tray, click on the crematorium to push the tray back in, and press the switch. This is one of the few ways to permanently destroy a Changeling and is useful for a traitor Chaplain to hide his tracks.

Speaking of hiding tracks, the crematorium also contains a few morgue units for storing bodies. They are never used for any legitimate purpose, and even for illegitimate purposes it's very rare to see them used. However, if you glance in and see that any of the slabs have a red light on their bottom, it means they're occupied. If you're not sure why they're occupied, you should probably find out.

Most chapels have a mass driver that launches things into deep space. Again, this is never used for any legitimate purpose, but if an assistant is jonesing for the donuts in Security, it can be fun to launch the donuts into space right in front of him.

Most Chapels also have a confessional, nominally to be used by a Chaplain hearing confessions. In reality, it's only be used by the Chaplain and is thus where he goes to smoke weed in total privacy.

Finally, the Chapel area has a holy aura that burns Vampires who have not consumed 1800 units of blood, and totally locks down a Wizard's spellcasting. People fleeing from these antagonists will often burst into your Chapel looking for sanctuary.

The Wraith, the Wizard, The Vampire and You

To somewhat make up for the Chaplain's total uselessness when it comes to every day life on the station, he is the hard counter for three classes of antagonists. The masterminding wraith will constantly find you obstructing its plans, the stealthy vampire will avoid you at all costs, and the noisy wizard will loathe every moment of your existence.

Note that the following notes only apply to people who originally spawned as Chaplains. Someone who is promoted to Chaplain does not get the innate changes mentioned here.

Wraiths

While you're no Damien Karras or Ghostbuster, you are well-equipped to counter this rare but highly malevolent ghost. You have not one, but two means of depriving the wraith of corpses: the crematorium and the mass driver. A wraith without its corpses is a weaker wraith, because without them, it has to wait longer for its Wraith Points to replenish, meaning revenant rampages, skeleton uprisings, and ghastly possessions are fewer in between. While you still have to wait for the wraith to Haunt or cross a salt line attack to it, your bible and the power of Christ contained within will do great damage to the wraith, compelling it back to oblivion. In addition, as the local cleric, you enjoy an number of advantages when the wraith raises the dead up as revenants. You cannot be Crushed, Pushed back, knocked down with Shockwave, or be targeted by Mass Command, and your bible, as with the wraith, can do great damage against the revenant.

However, while the wraith usually cannot directly attack you, the wraith can find several ways to indirectly hurt you. You are still vulnerable as any of the crew to wraith-animated objects, and a clever wraith can find a way to knock you down so it can cast Command on the ground you've been smacked down upon. With revenants, while you're immune to Crush, Push, and Shockwave, you are not immune to Touch of Evil, so don't be surprised if you find yourself dead and floating alongside the wraith you just tried to kill after your attempted revenant crusade.

Vampires

You're in a pretty good position against Vampires. You're immune to almost all of the vampire's tricks, so a vampire has to fight on far more even footing with you around. Your bible does a fair bit of BURN damage against vampires, and you are the only person on the station guaranteed to have one of their biggest anathemas, holy water. Splashing holy water on a vampire is about as effective as splashing acid on a normal crewman's face, so it's a quick and easy way to test someone's claims of innocence.

You can also use the chapel as a safe zone, dragging victims away from hungry vampires and performing triage on them in your office. Vampires need a lot of blood to be immune to the chapel's damaging aura, so most of them will cook to cinders before they can hack into your safe zone, and your immunity to Glare, Chiropteran Screech, Diseased Touch, Call Frost Bats, and Hypnotize puts you in a very good position to simply run away with a vampire's victim with them being nearly powerless to stop you.

Your last line of defense is that your blood, when drunk, burns vampires like holy water, and destroys some of the blood in their pool. This only works when a vampire is drinking directly from you, so you can't bleed into a beaker and splash people with it to test them. This is mostly a safeguard against inexperienced vampires, or vampires that attack you when you're not wearing your chaplain outfit or ID. With your immunity to most of their powers, you can set yourself up as a stalking horse this way, but be warned that nothing but your own robustness will stop the vampire from strangling you, bashing your skull in with a fire extinguisher, or flying away in Bat Form while ordering their undead minions to brutally murder you.

Wizards

Wizards just plain hate the chaplain's guts. For one, the chapel is a sanctuary that locks down their spellcasting. The chaplain himself is immune to direct effects of most the spells. If there are reports of a crazy bearded guy running around, it may be worthwhile go to security and ask to be armed and deputized. Put on the magic sandals from your closet. Any spells that directly target you will fizzle, and security wants that on their side.

However, like with vampires, do not make the mistake of thinking that you are invincible. The wizard has plenty of tricks that can still affect you. Summoned golems, for example, can consist of some very nasty things and will attack you on sight. If you do not have your magic sandals on, you can also slip on ice created by the ice beam spell. If a wizard gets the better of you, it's a safe bet that he will shred you in any way he can manage. You are not replaceable, so don't let that happen.

In addition, a good smack over the head with the bible by a holy man (one with the laity will just do nothing) has a chance to cleanse anybody unfortunate enough to fall to the Clown's Revenge. More specifically, it lifts the cursed cluwne clothing and horrifying honking noises associated with Cluwneing Around, the separate dropping of items associated with the confusingly named "Dyspraxia" (separate from the mutation), and the random stuns from both. Keep this in mind as the Wizard reduces the entirety of Medical and Command to gibbering, fumbling abominations of nature, forever in everlasting torment and far from the grace of the gods.

The Ghostly Mysteries

As Chaplain, you may sometimes see a spooky message in your chat along the lines of "You sense a disturbance emanating from [object] in [area]". This is nothing to be alarmed about, there isn't some disaster occurring in some galaxy far, far away. Instead, this simply means somewhere in that area mentioned, a Ghost is using a Ouija board.

Chaplain XP

Like clerics in your favorite tabletop RPGs, you earn XP! Rather than combat or quests, you get it by the following actions:

Action	XP Earned
Hurt/smite a Vampire, Wraith, or Wraith Revenant with your Bible	2
Heal someone with your Bible. 40% chance of earning XP for it each time.	1
Get targeted by a Vampire,Wizard or Wraith power, have it fail/cause no effect due to your Chaplain Training.	2

XP goes towards your Chaplain level, but it doesn't unlock powers, boost health, or anything. Rather, you unlock certain rewards at certain levels. Or normally you would, but unfortunately, there are no job rewards for Chaplain yet.

There is also a leaderboard for Chaplain XP, primarily for bragging rights.

Crew Objectives

As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a chaplain, you can expect to see the following:

End the round with no corpses on the station.
If you see this, throw up your arms and say fuck it, because this is never, ever happening.

Treachery

On the surface, a traitor Chaplain plays much like the other traitors with low starting access; he needs to relax, schmooze, and be social until he finds someone in a vulnerable position. He then kills that person, assumes their identity, and goes from there. Most people are used to the Chaplain being harmless and useless, so this is easier than you might think. Simply asking someone to follow you into a trap will work more often than not, though you should ideally have a rather inescapable trap set up, such as an electrified door that you convince the victim to open.

You can also order an unique traitor item called the faustian bargain kit, which gives you everything to need to harvest your victims' souls in contracts with demonic twists. It's simple; just click on a person with a contract in your active hand and a demonic pen in your other hand to complete the contract. (If you do the reverse, you'll just stab them with the pen, though doing so will put them in the ideal situation to sign a contract.)

Different contracts confer different "benefits". Some make the signee infinitely produce bees, some make them an immortal monster in cluwne gear, some grant vampire or Macho Man powers (though not the actual antag status); many simply cause amusing and/or ironic deaths. You can Examine a pact for some clues on what it offers, though, in true genie fashion, it won't quite tell the whole truth. If you need more contracts, use the Summon Contract ability in your Souls tab to exchange a little pen and briefcase damage for an additional contract or simply complete the contracts you currently have to grant yourself a random contract.

With each contract you complete, your demonic pens and briefcase do more damage and stun longer, and your special lawyer suit's melee and ranged protections increase--godsends when some Security Officer or vigilante is out for your Mephistophelean ass. But beware--the more souls you sign over, the less human you become...

Gallery

• 

---