Difference between revisions of "Staff Assistant"

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m (I'm reverting this back as you're refusing to respond to my call to contact me on IRC. I've been sitting there for three days now.)
(Mozi has decided that the old Assistant guide will remain, while Dunnoman's Guide will be known as, "The Staff Assistant Survival Guide" as a seperate page with a discalimer regarding the contents inside, please do so.)
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{| style="float:top; color:#000000; border:solid 2px BLACK; padding:0.5em; margin:0.5em 0; background-color:#CCCCCC;font-size:95%; vertical-align:middle;"
Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the '''Staff Assistant'''. Armed with your trusty Grey Jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down). The only places you have access to is Tool Storage, which is towards the south of the station, and the maintenance corridors around the station. '''IF YOU EVER HAVE ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING WHAT YOU SHOULD OR IF YOU ARE NOT SURE YOUR ACTIONS WILL BREAK THE RULES, PLEASE USE THE MENTORHELP OR ADMINHELP FUNCTION'''  
| rowspan="2" style="padding:1em;width: 64px" | [[Image:Jobass.png|64px|Beware the spaceman in the gray suit.]]
| style="font-size:200%;" |A gentleman's guide to the staff assistant, Volume one.
| style="font-size:100%;" |Written and published by [http://autisticpowers.info/ss13/wiki/User:Dunnoman Brycen Neckbeardly].   
|-
|}


This guide was written in tribute of those great spacemen that once graced the station and have since left us. May they forever remain in our hearts.   
Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help.  Outside of doctors performing triage, this never, ever happens, so either bug the [[Head of Personnel|Head of Personnel]] or [[Captain|Captain]] for a new job or just steal one from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13.  Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should a traitor or other hostile entity make it to Space Station 13.


<s>Nowadays, there's the yellow-suited [[Technical Assistant|Technical Assistant]] and the white-suited [[Medical Assistant|Medical Assistant]], both of whom have more access than you do, so the grayshirt is an even more endangered and useless species.</s> Unfortunately, the shuttle containing this shift's technical and medical assistants crashed. Into the moon. Forever.




== How can I get anything done when I have almost no access to any important areas and nobody trusts me?! ==
Assuming you are indeed stuck as an assistant, there are some things you can do to make people like you, or at least give you something to do.


Fret not, you can do plenty and in some cases even more than certain non-assistant positions.
1. If you see a dead body within reach, drag it to genetics for cloning, or to robotics to be borged, at the very last and unlikely thing you can do, is drag it to chapel where the chaplain can make space funeral arrangements. Off the record you can also drag it to kitchen where they will make probably make food out of it (the [[Chef]] won't say anything, don't worry).


First off, maintenance is an extremely undervalued access level and logging out is a massive waste of its potential. Maintenance literally composes about half of the current station and you should frequent the place as not only does it exist for literally that reason but also it is much easier, but by no means easy, to get away with anything you want in maintenance.  
2. Make repairs, and fight fires or gas leaks as needed. You should probably learn how to build and finish walls, and floors. As well as how to use the fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station, or at least a nuisance. Don't mess with door hacking unless you know what you are doing, or it's a door no one is using. Shocked doors are not a way to make friends.


As an assistant you must also be willing and capable of taking advantage of the items around you to satisfy your plans. An example would be the often large collection of corpses strewn about the station, more often than not when you find these corpses their backpacks and IDs are long gone but it is rare, in this era, to find them without a jumpsuit. Jumpsuits are powerful tools to anyone that knows how to use them properly. Fooling one crew member can be more influential than killing fifty. Not that you should be killing anyone that isn't someone you're positive is playing an antagonist role. '''I'm serious, don't do it.'''
3. Wear the clown suit and mask and spread <strike>misery</strike> Joy throughout the station.


4. Wear the barber suit and open the [[Barbershop]].


== Okay, I understand how I would go about doing something but what should I do and why? ==
5. Open up one of the market areas, and sell items you find around the station for profit.


If you're playing as an assistant it's either because you've been terrible and you were job-banned from everything else or you like the freedom that comes with the job. '''Your job, unofficially, is to keep the round interesting by performing mildly traitorous acts.''' Some examples may be found below but the remember that even the sky isn't your limit so long as you're not going about being a huge jerk. ''(Author's note : The more complex you are in your deviousness the better and at no point should you feel discouraged to manipulate the station's crew into doing what you actually want. I.E. You find that some "good" security officer has been hunting for traitors since minute one and you decide you're going to play the role of red herring.)'' 
6. Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that and read his journal, then play tag with Beepsky. If you do this be aware that Beepsky always wins.


'''1. Rob from the rich and everyone else''' :  Stealing is, in moderate doses, not discouraged by administrators so long as you're only really a jerk to [http://autisticpowers.info/ss13/wiki/Dumb_Pubbies idiots] and you don't seriously injure or worse to someone that isn't shit then you should feel free to try and become the master thief of your station. Keep in mind that aside from security you will also have to deal with the misbegotten few that haven't followed you on a similar path and crew that do have jobs as they will very quickly take any chance they get to attack, kill or detain you in the name of "justice" or much more comically "to stop your griefing". Please note that being a thief is not going around mugging everyone in sight and taking things you have no use for to justify beating the shit out of people, that is called being shit. Don't do it.
== Crew Objectives ==
 
As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a staff assistant, you can expect to see the following:
'''2. Genetics isn't doing its job!''' : Make use of those naked corpses around the station, more often than not they are left to rot or burn away in the halls. Try to create an interesting situation by stockpiling them in maintenance and behold as nearly everyone stops ignoring the corpses that could've been easily cloned by them and immediately declare you to be a changeling and begin attacking you. Why would you want this? For starters this is a good way of getting the crew to start cloning and taking more care of corpses. Also it's just far more fun and useful than asking genetics to do its job as more often than not they will not even respond to when asked, where as the entire crew may be up in arms to take and try to clone every corpse if someone even utters the word changeling.
 
'''3. Gang wars''' : So you're playing Gang wars? Well, I suggest you play the role of a turn-coat in order to keep the match fun. Having half of the station join a single gang isn't interesting and you should feel bad if you've ever done that. Standard procedures should be followed but don't feel afraid to make runs at gang members foolish enough to wander alone, after all, they will likely be beaten to death if they are stupid enough to do that in the first place.
 
==Essential items==
 
You've got your plan, you've got determination and you've got cunning. Now all you need to know is what you should be greedily looking around for.
 
 
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: left"
!scope = "col" style="width: 15%" | Item
!scope = "col" style="width: 10%" | Image
!scope = "col" style="width: 75%" | Description
 
|- id="Crowbar"
! Crowbar
| <center>[[File:crowbar.png]]</center>
| This little puppy is used in nearly everything constructing or breaking on station. Don't be fooled into using it in combat. It can also be used to open unpowered doors, firelocks and even lets you move girders.
 
|- id="Welder"
! Welder
| <center>[[File:welder.gif]]</center>
| Must be activated to use and has limited fuel supply. An active welder will ignite [[plasma]] and break lightbulbs. The welder is an extremely important device to the aspiring assistant, there are so many threats but certainly one of the largest is the AI deciding to take an action against you. When that happens you can weld your way out of where ever you happen to be locked. It will cause you to go blind if you use it without a welding mask enough.
 
|- id="Wirecutters"
! Wirecutters
| <center>[[File:wirecutters.png]]</center>
| Used in wiring and much more importantly camera deactivation. If you're being chased by anything more often than not the next thing you will hear is "AI, locate..." keep this around and you will make yourself harder to find. The wirecutters can be used to disable cameras in a single click on the fly, be wary of others watching you do this as more often than not you will be attacked for disabling cameras.  
 
|- id="Emergency Oxygen Tank"
! Emergency Oxygen Tank
| <center>[[file:emergencytank.png]]</center>
| Works like a regular gas tank, but is small enough to fit on the belt slot. You have a chance of getting this in the box found in your backpack at round start and it is very useful. Setting the output to twenty-one will last you the entire round but it is usually detrimental to wear it constantly as opposed to other devices. You can prepare and activate this and your breath mask in less than ten clicks.
 
|-
! Welding Mask
| <center>[[File:welding.png]]</center>
| When the mask is down it functions like a pair of shades while also protecting you from the arc flash of a welder, on top of all of that it provides the same blunt protection of a helmet and the ability to go unknown like a gas-mask. The second best piece of head-wear in the game. It is a wonder these aren't used more often.
 
|- id="Fire Extinguisher"
! Fire Extinguisher
| <center>[[file:fireextinguisher.png]]</center>
| As the name suggests it will put out fires but this is one of those wonder items that can do many things. If you're versed in chemistry you can empty one and fill it with something a tad more potent. Of all the common station items it does nearly the best damage per hit. Activating it in space will propel you in the direction opposite where you clicked. They can be found in the often ignored emergency tool boxes, you know, the red ones.
 
|- id="Medkit"
! Medkit
| <center>[[File:MedkW.png]]</center>
| Important for healing yourself and others. Should you want to save someone inject them with inaprovaline and tug them to a safe spot with air and warmth. If said someone is being saved simply because of you accidentally knocking them into critical condition due to complicated circumstances you can do the same as before but leave them and not deal with the possibility of healing them just for them to retaliate in error. Always remember to apologize politely and kindly for your mistake. ''It goes without saying that beating people and then healing them for kicks gets you a <strike>ban</strike> vacation.''
|}
 
 
== I want bragging rights ==
 
If you want brag about how robust you are you can try and complete these trivial objectives on top of your official unofficial job.


'''Have your butt removed somehow by the end of the round'''<br>
'''Have your butt removed somehow by the end of the round'''<br>
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'''End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you'''<br>
'''End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you'''<br>
Go bother the [[Head of Personnel]] or the [[Captain]] for a job change (or [[Head of Security]] if they're both missing).  Otherwise, search for their corpses and hunt down their very likely already looted IDs.
Go bother the [[Head of Personnel]] or the [[Captain]] for a job change (or [[Head of Security]] if they're both missing).  Otherwise, steal an ID off a corpse.  The latter might not complete the objective, but hey, new ID.


'''Be wearing at least one piece of clown clothing at the end of the round'''
'''Be wearing at least one piece of clown clothing at the end of the round'''
Just go open crates in [[Crew Quarters]] until you find one with the clown suit in it, and put it on. The shoes will make you slip occasionally and be stunned for a good few seconds, they are better used on certain [http://autisticpowers.info/ss13/wiki/Head_of_Security others] than worn on yourself. Keep in mind said others will not be able to remove the shoes if they can't use their hands for [http://autisticpowers.info/ss13/wiki/Security_Objects#Equipment whatever reason].
Just go open crates in [[Crew Quarters]] until you find one with the clown suit in it, and put it on.


== A Traitorous Assistant: The Underdog Insurgent ==
== A Traitorous Assistant: The Underog Insurgent ==


Essentially act as you would normally while playing assistant but now you have the clearance to kill as you see fit and you have access to one, or more, [http://autisticpowers.info/ss13/wiki/Syndicate_Items means to an end].  
Now, when you become a Traitor as an Assistant, do not fret. Assistants are widely considered only to be an annoying nuisance, use that to your advantage! You can also always go to the [[Head of Personnel]] and request a job that will further your evil schemes.
----
----


Revision as of 19:46, 3 February 2013

Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the Staff Assistant. Armed with your trusty Grey Jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down). The only places you have access to is Tool Storage, which is towards the south of the station, and the maintenance corridors around the station. IF YOU EVER HAVE ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING WHAT YOU SHOULD OR IF YOU ARE NOT SURE YOUR ACTIONS WILL BREAK THE RULES, PLEASE USE THE MENTORHELP OR ADMINHELP FUNCTION

Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. Outside of doctors performing triage, this never, ever happens, so either bug the Head of Personnel or Captain for a new job or just steal one from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should a traitor or other hostile entity make it to Space Station 13.

Nowadays, there's the yellow-suited Technical Assistant and the white-suited Medical Assistant, both of whom have more access than you do, so the grayshirt is an even more endangered and useless species. Unfortunately, the shuttle containing this shift's technical and medical assistants crashed. Into the moon. Forever.


Assuming you are indeed stuck as an assistant, there are some things you can do to make people like you, or at least give you something to do.

1. If you see a dead body within reach, drag it to genetics for cloning, or to robotics to be borged, at the very last and unlikely thing you can do, is drag it to chapel where the chaplain can make space funeral arrangements. Off the record you can also drag it to kitchen where they will make probably make food out of it (the Chef won't say anything, don't worry).

2. Make repairs, and fight fires or gas leaks as needed. You should probably learn how to build and finish walls, and floors. As well as how to use the fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station, or at least a nuisance. Don't mess with door hacking unless you know what you are doing, or it's a door no one is using. Shocked doors are not a way to make friends.

3. Wear the clown suit and mask and spread misery Joy throughout the station.

4. Wear the barber suit and open the Barbershop.

5. Open up one of the market areas, and sell items you find around the station for profit.

6. Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that and read his journal, then play tag with Beepsky. If you do this be aware that Beepsky always wins.

Crew Objectives

As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a staff assistant, you can expect to see the following:

Have your butt removed somehow by the end of the round
Robotics can help here. Just tell the Roboticist you want your butt as a hat and they'll usually oblige you quickly.

End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you
Go bother the Head of Personnel or the Captain for a job change (or Head of Security if they're both missing). Otherwise, steal an ID off a corpse. The latter might not complete the objective, but hey, new ID.

Be wearing at least one piece of clown clothing at the end of the round Just go open crates in Crew Quarters until you find one with the clown suit in it, and put it on.

A Traitorous Assistant: The Underog Insurgent

Now, when you become a Traitor as an Assistant, do not fret. Assistants are widely considered only to be an annoying nuisance, use that to your advantage! You can also always go to the Head of Personnel and request a job that will further your evil schemes.


Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Security 		CaptainNew64.gif Captain · HeadOfSecurityV2-64x64.gif Head of Security · HeadOfPersonnelV2-64x66.png Head of Personnel · ChiefEngineer64.png Chief Engineer · ResearchDirectorV2-64x70.png Research Director · MedicalDirectorNew64.png Medical Director

TankTopSecurityOfficer.gif Security Officer · DetectiveNew64.png Detective · SecurityAssistantNew64.png Security Assistant

NanotrasenSecurityOperativeWithSuit68.gif Nanotrasen Security Consultant

Medical &
Research 		MedicalDoctorNew64.gif Medical Doctor · MedicalAssistantNew.png Medical Trainee · RoboticistNew64.png Roboticist · Genetics wiki big.gif Geneticist

ScientistV3-64x64.png Scientist · ResearchAssistantNew.png Research Trainee

Engineering EngineerCoatNew64.png Engineer · TechassistantNew.png Technical Trainee

QuartermasterNew64.png Quartermaster · MinerV3-64x64.png Miner

Civilian

AssistantNew64.png Staff Assistant · JanitorNew64.png Janitor · ChaplainNew64.png Chaplain · MailmanV2-64x64.png Mail Courier · RadioHostV2-64x64.png Radio Host · MimeNew64.png Mime

Chef64new.png Chef · BartenderNew64.png Bartender · BotanistNew64.png Botanist · Rancher2.png Rancher

ClownNew64.png Clown

SousChefV2-64x64.png Gimmick jobs

Silicon AIV3-64.gif Artificial Intelligence · CyborgV3-64x64.gif Cyborg
Jobs of the Day Dungeoneer64x64.png Dungeoneer · BarberV2-64x64.png Barber · WaiterV2-64x64.png Waiter · LawyerV2-64x66.png Lawyer · TouristNew64.png Tourist · MusicianV2-64x64.png Musician · BoxerV2-64x64.png Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend64x64.PNG Arcfiend · BlobOvermind64.png Blob · AbominationAnimated64x96.gif Changeling · GangLeaderV2-64x68.png Gang Member · Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind (Featherdrone-flocktrace.gif Flocktrace) · SyndicateAssaultTrooperV3-64x64.png Nuclear Operative · SpyThiefV2-64x64.png Spy Thief · TraitorNew64.png Traitor · HeadRevolutionaryV2-64x64.png Revolutionary · VampireV2-64x64.png Vampire (VampThrallV3-64x64.png Thrall) · WizardNew64.gif Wizard
Others HardmodeTraitorNew64.png Sleeper Agent · WerewolfV2-64x68.png Werewolf · WraithV2-64x64.png Wraith (Poltergeist64.png Poltergeist) · WrestlerV2-64x64.png Wrestler · PredatorV2-64x64.png Hunter · GrinchMitch.png Grinch · KrampusSquish.gif Krampus · OmniTraitorV2-64x64.gif Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Drone64x64.png Ghostdrone · MonkeyResprite64.png Monkey · SpaceMouse64.png Critter · GhostV3-64x64.png Ghost · CluwneNew64.png Cluwne · SantaClausV2-64x64.png Santa Claus
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