Staff Assistant

Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the Staff Assistant. Armed with your trusty Grey Jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down). The only places you have access to is Tool Storage, which is towards the south of the station, and the maintenance corridors around the station.

Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. Outside of doctors performing triage, this never, ever happens, so either bug the Head of Personnel or Captain for a new job or just steal one from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should an traitor or other hostile entity make it to Space Station 13.

Nowadays, there's the yellow-suited Technical Assistant and the white-suited Medical Assistant, both of whom have more access than you do, so the grayshirt is an even more endangered and useless species.

Assuming you are indeed stuck as an assistant, there are some things you can do to make people like you, or at least give you something to do.

1. If you see a dead body within reach, drag it to genetics for cloning, or to robotics to be borged, at the very last and unlikely thing you can do, is drag it to chapel where the chaplain can make space funeral arrangements. Off the record you can also drag it to kitchen where they will make probably make food out of it.

2. Make repairs, and fight fires or gas leaks as needed. You should probably learn how to build and finish walls, and floors. And how to use the fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station, or at least a nuisance. Don't mess with door hacking unless you know what you are doing, or it's a door no one is using. Shocked doors are not a way to make friends.

3. Wear the clown suit and mask and spread misery Joy throughout the station.

4. Wear the barber suit and open the lounge up as a barbershop

5. Open up one of the market areas, and sell items you find around the station for profit.

6. Don't read beepsky's journal, or disregard that and read his journal, then play tag with beepsky. If you do this be aware that beepsky always wins.

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