Difference between revisions of "Staff Assistant"

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Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the '''Staff Assistant'''.  Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down).  The only places you have access to are [[Tool Storage|tool storage]] in the northeast and [[tech storage]] in the southwest corners of the station.
Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the '''Staff Assistant'''.  Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down).  The only places you have access to are [[Tool Storage|tool storage]] in the northeast and [[tech storage]] in the southwest corners of the station.


Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. Outside of doctors performing triage, this never, ever happens, so either bug the [[Head of Personnel|head of personnel]] or [[Captain|captain]] for a new job or just steal one from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should a traitor or other hostile entity make it to Space Station 13.
Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. This never, ever happens. Either bug the [[Head of Personnel|head of personnel]] or [[Captain|captain]] for a new job or steal a better iD from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should hostile entities make it to Space Station 13.


There used to be [[Technical Assistant|technical assistants]] and white-suited [[Medical Assistant|medical assistants]], both of whom had more access than regular assistants, but no longer.
There used to be [[Technical Assistant|technical assistants]] and white-suited [[Medical Assistant|medical assistants]], both of whom had more access than regular assistants. They were removed because all they did was loot the extra places they could access.


Assuming you are indeed stuck as an assistant, there are some things you can do to make people like you, or at least give you something to do.
Here are some things you can do to make people like you if you're stuck as an assistant.


*If you see a dead body within reach, drag it to [[genetics]] for cloning, or to [[robotics]] to be [[cyborg|borged]], at the very last and unlikely thing you can do, is drag it to [[chapel]] where the [[chaplain]] can make space funeral arrangements. Off the record you can also drag it to [[kitchen]] where they will make probably make [[food]] out of it.
*Drag corpses to [[genetics]] for cloning, to [[robotics]] for [[cyborg|borging]] or to the [[chapel]] for a funeral. The [[chaplain]] has even less to do than you, and he'll thrilled out of his mind to get corpses. Off the record you can also drag them to [[kitchen]] where they will make probably make [[food]] out of them.


*Make repairs, and fight fires or gas leaks as needed. You should probably learn [[Construction#Walls.2C_Doors.2C_and_Floors|how to build and finish walls, and floors]]. And how to use the fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station, or at least a nuisance. Don't mess with door hacking unless you know what you are doing, or it's a door no one is using. Shocked doors are not a way to make friends.
*Do repairs, fight fires and fix gas leaks. You should probably learn [[Construction#Walls.2C_Doors.2C_and_Floors|how to build walls and floors]], and how to use fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station. Be careful about repairing hacked doors unless you know what you're doing. Shocked doors are bad for making friends.


*Wear the [[Clown|clown suit]] and spread <strike>misery</strike> Joy throughout the station.
*Wear the [[Clown|clown suit]] and spread <strike>misery</strike> joy.


*Wear the barber suit and operate the [[barbershop]].
*Wear the barber suit and operate the [[barbershop]].
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*Wear the reporter jacket and fedora, take pictures and do interviews.
*Wear the reporter jacket and fedora, take pictures and do interviews.


*Open up one of the [[market]] areas, and sell items you find around the station for profit.
*Open up one of the [[market]] areas to sell stuff you find around the station for profit.


*Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that and read his journal, then play tag with Beepsky. If you do this be aware that Beepsky always wins.
*Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that, read his journal and play tag with Beepsky. Be aware that Beepsky always wins.


*Stay useful, learn as many other jobs as you can. It won't hurt you in the long run, and you can always get a new job from the HOP and become good at it. You might become the unlikely hero.
*Stay useful by learning how to do other jobs. You could always get a new job from the HOP and become good at it. You might even become an unlikely hero.


*Try to be nice to [[Security Officer|security]], rough housing with Sec is punished harshly and is no way to make space friends.
*Be nice to [[Security Officer|security]]. Rough housing with Sec is punished harshly.


*Hang out in the gym with other assistants pumping weights, doing drugs and feeling the burn.
*Hang out in the gym with other assistants pumping weights, doing drugs and feeling the burn.


*Be a test subject for [[Geneticist|geneticists]], [[Scientist|scientists]], the [[chef]] or the [[barman]].
*Be a test subject for the [[Geneticist|geneticists]], the [[Scientist|scientists]], the [[chef]] or the [[barman]].


*Donate your butt to the [[Roboticist|needy]].
*Donate your butt to the [[Roboticist|needy]].


*Play the saxophone. Bonus points if you manage to start a band.
*Play the saxophone. Start a band.


== Crew Objectives ==
== Crew Objectives ==

Revision as of 06:15, 30 July 2014

Welcome to the most ignored yet most often feared job, the Staff Assistant. Armed with your trusty grey jumpsuit and ID card, you are a plague upon the station, tearing down every wall, breaking into every room and stealing everything not bolted down (and sometimes even bolts that hold the items down). The only places you have access to are tool storage in the northeast and tech storage in the southwest corners of the station.

Officially, your responsibility includes asking people if they need help. This never, ever happens. Either bug the head of personnel or captain for a new job or steal a better iD from someone's corpse. Unofficially, you are the red-shirt of Space Station 13. Your life is meaningless and you are expected to litter a hallway with your corpse should hostile entities make it to Space Station 13.

There used to be technical assistants and white-suited medical assistants, both of whom had more access than regular assistants. They were removed because all they did was loot the extra places they could access.

Here are some things you can do to make people like you if you're stuck as an assistant.

  • Drag corpses to genetics for cloning, to robotics for borging or to the chapel for a funeral. The chaplain has even less to do than you, and he'll thrilled out of his mind to get corpses. Off the record you can also drag them to kitchen where they will make probably make food out of them.
  • Do repairs, fight fires and fix gas leaks. You should probably learn how to build walls and floors, and how to use fire extinguishers and fire suits first. Air leaks can be a danger to the station. Be careful about repairing hacked doors unless you know what you're doing. Shocked doors are bad for making friends.
  • Wear the mailman suit and deliver forge letters to people.
  • Wear the party princess suit and be a pretty princess *sparklesparkle*.
  • Wear the reporter jacket and fedora, take pictures and do interviews.
  • Open up one of the market areas to sell stuff you find around the station for profit.
  • Don't read Beepsky's journal, or disregard that, read his journal and play tag with Beepsky. Be aware that Beepsky always wins.
  • Stay useful by learning how to do other jobs. You could always get a new job from the HOP and become good at it. You might even become an unlikely hero.
  • Be nice to security. Rough housing with Sec is punished harshly.
  • Hang out in the gym with other assistants pumping weights, doing drugs and feeling the burn.
  • Donate your butt to the needy.
  • Play the saxophone. Start a band.

Crew Objectives

As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a staff assistant, you can expect to see the following:

End the round with your own butt on your head
Robotics can help here. Just tell the Roboticist you want your butt as a hat and they'll usually oblige you quickly.

End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you
Go bother the Head of Personnel or the Captain for a job change. Otherwise, steal an ID off a corpse. The latter night not complete the objective, but hey, new ID.

End the round wearing at least one piece of clown clothing
You could do as this objective says and wear just one piece of clown clothing, but a true assistant knows that you either wear the entire clown suit or nothing at all.

Ensure that Gnome Chompski escapes on the shuttle
Not only is Gnome an expert at hiding, but if you find him and bring him on the shuttle, it's likely someone will kidnap him before you can leave safely. Easily the hardest assistant objective.

A Traitorous Assistant: The Underdog Insurgent

Don't fret when you become a traitor as an assistant. Assistants are widely considered only to be an annoying nuisance, use that to your advantage! While other traitors have to keep up the pretense of doing their real job, you don't have a real job. Although you could go to the HoP and request a promotion that will further your evil schemes. You have access to a few pod bays and other storage areas where you can find all the tools you'll need for breaking and entering, making traps and acquiring weapons. Use what little access you do have to your advantage.

Supplementary Video

{{#widget:YouTube|id=GaoLU6zKaws}}



Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Security
CaptainNew64.gif Captain · HeadOfSecurityV2-64x64.gif Head of Security · HeadOfPersonnelV2-64x66.png Head of Personnel · ChiefEngineer64.png Chief Engineer · ResearchDirectorV2-64x70.png Research Director · MedicalDirectorNew64.png Medical Director

TankTopSecurityOfficer.gif Security Officer · DetectiveNew64.png Detective · SecurityAssistantNew64.png Security Assistant

NanotrasenSecurityOperativeWithSuit68.gif Nanotrasen Security Consultant

Medical &
Research
MedicalDoctorNew64.gif Medical Doctor · MedicalAssistantNew.png Medical Trainee · RoboticistNew64.png Roboticist · Genetics wiki big.gif Geneticist

ScientistV3-64x64.png Scientist · ResearchAssistantNew.png Research Trainee

Engineering EngineerCoatNew64.png Engineer · TechassistantNew.png Technical Trainee

QuartermasterNew64.png Quartermaster · MinerV3-64x64.png Miner

Civilian

AssistantNew64.png Staff Assistant · JanitorNew64.png Janitor · ChaplainNew64.png Chaplain · MailmanV2-64x64.png Mail Courier · RadioHostV2-64x64.png Radio Host · MimeNew64.png Mime

Chef64new.png Chef · BartenderNew64.png Bartender · BotanistNew64.png Botanist · Rancher2.png Rancher

ClownNew64.png Clown

SousChefV2-64x64.png Gimmick jobs

Silicon AIV3-64.gif Artificial Intelligence · CyborgV3-64x64.gif Cyborg
Jobs of the Day Dungeoneer64x64.png Dungeoneer · BarberV2-64x64.png Barber · WaiterV2-64x64.png Waiter · LawyerV2-64x66.png Lawyer · TouristNew64.png Tourist · MusicianV2-64x64.png Musician · BoxerV2-64x64.png Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend64x64.PNG Arcfiend · BlobOvermind64.png Blob · AbominationAnimated64x96.gif Changeling · GangLeaderV2-64x68.png Gang Member · Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind (Featherdrone-flocktrace.gif Flocktrace) · SyndicateAssaultTrooperV3-64x64.png Nuclear Operative · SpyThiefV2-64x64.png Spy Thief · TraitorNew64.png Traitor · HeadRevolutionaryV2-64x64.png Revolutionary · VampireV2-64x64.png Vampire (VampThrallV3-64x64.png Thrall) · WizardNew64.gif Wizard
Others HardmodeTraitorNew64.png Sleeper Agent · WerewolfV2-64x68.png Werewolf · WraithV2-64x64.png Wraith (Poltergeist64.png Poltergeist) · WrestlerV2-64x64.png Wrestler · PredatorV2-64x64.png Hunter · GrinchMitch.png Grinch · KrampusSquish.gif Krampus · OmniTraitorV2-64x64.gif Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Drone64x64.png Ghostdrone · MonkeyResprite64.png Monkey · SpaceMouse64.png Critter · GhostV3-64x64.png Ghost · CluwneNew64.png Cluwne · SantaClausV2-64x64.png Santa Claus