Chaplain

You spawn in the chapel in your office. Put on one of the many religious outfits, located in your locker, if you wish, and go run around trying to convert people to Space Jesus or design intricate Satanic cable art on the floor of the chapel. You have access to a mass driver in the chapel that's for holding funerals and sending off the dearly departed, but good luck on holding a funeral on SS13. Its more commonly used as a 'You'll never find the body' gun. You also have access to the Morgue, but again any bodies actually stored there are there just because no one ever looks there.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Generally, nothing. On many servers, the Chaplain would conduct RP servers and do RP funerals, but on more light-hearted places like Goonstation, the Chaplain has very few real responsibilities. When you are Chaplain, you can generally consider yourself free to pursue whatever silly, non-violent gimmick you can think of. Get an HoP to give you access to Botany and the Kitchen, make a ton of food, and screech at people to eat until they pass out because they're at God's table of plenty. Get Quartermaster access, make 20k extra, and convince the AI to transfer it to your account. Then throw the piles of money around, preaching the Prosperity Gospel. Break into Robotics and churn out as many drones as you possibly can to do proper worship to the Omnissiah. Steal all the liquor on the station and then crush it, claiming it is an affront to your religion. Get killed by an angry mob of drunks who are sober for the first time in a decade. Or just knock out a wall in your office and install a window so you can watch the station hurry by in horror and panic while you quietly sip your tea. There's no end to the dumb shit you can force on people!

Cults

Cults have been done a thousand times before you got here, and chances are fantastic your idea will be the worst of those thousand times. Murderous cults are banning material. Don't even try it.

Special equipment

The holy man of the station has some unique equipment that nobody else has access to. It's important to know what it does.

The Bible

Sadly, you don't have access to a Torah, Qu'ran, Tripitaka, or an STC blueprint to fit your other robes, but the Bible has an interesting power all of it's own. When equipped and used to strike someone, instead of hurting the target, it heals them instead. The Bible can heal any type of damage, but you won't be able to strike fast enough to counteract Suffocation damage if someone is without air. The down side is that every strike with the bible does a little bit of brain damage, which can add up and turn into retardation if a lot of damage is healed in this way. Still, when compared to lying disabled for 10 minutes or dying, many, many people will be happy to trade a few IQ points for the merciful healing of Jesus.

Also fart on the Bible and something really cool will happen

Holy Water

The Chaplain starts with the only phial of holy water on the station, though it is possible for Chemistry to make more. Holy Water is the proof positive way to test for a Vampire, if one is caught and trying to deny what it is. Splashing Holy Water on a human won't hurt him at all, but splashing Holy Water on a vampire will very obviously burn the undead abomination.

The Chapel Itself

The Chapel itself has a few nice things you should be familiar with. North of your office is a crematorium, which can be used to reduce bodies to ash. This is one of the two ways to permanently destroy a Changeling, and is useful for a traitor Chaplain to hide his tracks. Speaking of hiding tracks, just south of your office is the Morgue, which contains a few slabs for storing bodies. It is never used for any legitimate purpose, and even for legitimate purposes it's very rare to see it used. However, if you glance in and see that any of the slabs have a red light on their bottom, it means they're occupied. If you're not sure why they're occupied, you should probably find out.

The mass driver in the northeast part of the Chapel will launch things into deep space. Again, this is never used for any legitimate purpose, but if an assistant is jonesing for the donuts in Security, it can be fun to launch the donuts into space right in front of him.

The southwestern part of the Chapel has a pair of confessionals, nominally to be used by a Chaplain hearing confessions. In reality, one of the confessionals can only be used by the Chaplain, and is thus where he goes to smoke weed in total privacy, and the other contains a secret passage that leads to the AI upload foyer.

Finally, the Chapel area has a holy aura that burns Vampires who have not consumed 500 units of blood, and totally locks down a Wizard's spellcasting. People fleeing from these antagonists will often burst through your Chapel looking for sanctuary.

The Wizard, The Vampire and You

To somewhat make up for the Chaplain's total uselessness when it comes to every day life on the station, he is the hard counter for two classes of antagonists. The stealthy vampire will avoid you at all costs, and the noisy wizard will loathe every moment of your existence.

Note that the following notes only apply to people who originally spawned as Chaplains. Someone who is promoted to Chaplain does not get the innate changes mentioned here.

Vampires

Vampires dislike you mostly because of your access. You are the only person on the station guaranteed to have their anathema, Holy Water. If you splash this on a vampire, it will burn like acid and do gobs of damage. You also have built-in access to stash their downed victims in the Chapel's private areas. Vampires can enter the Chapel for short periods without too many problems, but attempting to hack a door while the holy ground burns them would spell very certain death.

If a vampire is stupid enough to try to drink blood from you, he will quickly find that your blood ALSO burns like acid, and actually blood he's already stored. Drawing your blood into a beaker and splashing it on a vampire doesn't work, so don't try. This is only if a vampire is fooled into drinking from you. However, it's best if it doesn't come to this. The enraged vampire will probably beat you to death after he realizes what you are.

Wizards

Wizards just plain hate the Chaplain's guts. The Chapel being a sanctuary that locks down a Wizard's spellcasting. The Chaplain himself is immune to direct effects of a Wizard's spells. The Chaplain also has a 'Ritual' power that can cleanse a Wizard's corruption power. Often, corrupting 40% of the station is a Wizard's objective, so this is a serious pain.

If a Wizard is reported while you are Chaplain, immediately go to Security and ask to be armed and deputized. Put on the magic sandals from your closet. Any spells that directly target you will fizzle, and Security wants that on their side. If you arrive at a location too late, stay for a moment and purge the corruption to keep the Wizard from gaining momentum. However, do not make the mistake of thinking that you are invincible. The wizard has plenty of tricks that can still affect you. Summon Golem, for example, allows the Wizard to make some very nasty things that can beat your face in. If you do not have your magic sandals on, you can also slip on ice created by the Ice Beam spell. If a Wizard gets the better of you, it's a safe bet that he will shred you in any way he can manage. You are not replaceable, so don't let that happen.

Crew Objectives

As a loyal crew member, you can sometimes be assigned some strictly optional objectives to keep yourself busy while you wait for something to happen. As a chaplain, you can expect to see the following: End the round with no corpses on the station
If you see this, throw up your arms and say fuck it, because this is never, ever happening.

Treachery

On the surface, a traitor Chaplain plays much like the other traitors with low starting access; he needs to relax, schmooze, and be social until he finds someone in a vulnerable position. He then kills that person, assumes their identity, and goes from there. Most people are used to the Chaplain being harmless and useless, so this is easier than you might think. Simply asking someone to follow you into a trap will work more often than not, though you should ideally have a rather inescapable trap set up, such as an electrified door that you convince the victim to open.

The Chaplain has one notable 'noisy' alternative, however, in His Grace, a very special item only for Traitor Chaplains that will use every telecrystal they have. His Grace is a green-colored toolbox that is an absurdly good melee weapon, and unconscious people may be fed to His Grace by grabbing them with the Grab intent, and then clicking on the toolbox. As you feed more and more people to His Grace, it gives you more bonuses, like stun resistance. However, His Grace gets more and more voracious every time you feed it, and if you take too long to feed someone to it, it will consume you instead. If someone is foolish enough to inspect you closely while you are carrying His Grace, they will be afflicted by a disease that deals Brute damage if they are not close to you. The flavor text that goes along with this makes many people think they must also follow your commands, though whether or not they actually do is debatable.

If you use His Grace, chances are fantastic that you are not going to make it off the station alive. Even if you succeed in murdering the entire station, there is practically no chance you will be able to leave on the shuttle before His Grace turns his appetite on you. However, it makes for a very intense, pulse-pounding round, which is often worth it in and of itself.

Supplementary Video

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