Staff Assistant

A gentleman's guide to the staff assistant, Volume one.

Written and published by Brycen Neckbeardly.

This is the end all be all for assisting on Gibbed servers. Read it and you might learn something.

How can I get anything done when I have almost no access to any important areas and nobody trusts me?!

That's what I'm here for.

First off, maintenance is an extremely undervalued access level and logging out is a massive waste of its potential. Maintenance literally composes about half of the current station and you should frequent the place for reasons I'll explain later.

You also have the power of disguise as an assistant. Nobody but the most versed space men even pay you any attention when you're going about your business as an assistant, consequently it is very easy to take advantage of the often large amount of corpses strewn about the station that are laden with unused uniforms and other such items undervalued items. Just be careful to only loot when you're absolutely sure nobody is watching you as nearly all crew take any reason they get to attack someone.

Okay, I understand how I would go about doing something but what should I do and why?

If you're playing as an assistant it's either because you've been terrible and you were job-banned from everything else or you like the freedom that comes with the job. Your job, unofficially, is to keep the round interesting by performing mildly traitorous acts. Some examples may be found below but the sky is the limit so long as you're not a jerk. (Author's note : The more complex you are in your deviousness the better and at no point should you feel discouraged to manipulate the station's crew into doing what you actually want. I.E. You find that some "good" security officer has been hunting for traitors since minute one and you decide you're going to play the role of red herring.)

1. Rob from the rich and everyone else : Stealing is, in moderate doses, not discouraged by administrators so long as you're only really a jerk to Dumb Pubbies and you don't seriously injure or worse to someone that isn't shit then you should feel free to try and become the master thief of the station. Keep in mind that aside from security you will also have to deal with the misbegotten assistants that haven't followed you on a similar path and crew that do have jobs as they will very quickly take any chance they get to attack/kill/detain you in the name of "justice" or much more comically, "to stop your griefing".

2. Genetics isn't doing its job! : Make use of those bodies around the station, more often than not they are left to rot or burn away in the halls. Try to create an interesting situation by stockpiling them in maintenance and behold as nearly everyone stops ignoring the corpses that could've been easily cloned by them and immediately declare you to be a changeling and begin attacking you. This is a good way of getting the crew to start cloning and taking more care of corpses and is vastly more useful and fun than simply shouting out to the crew (which is, if you're new, useless) or running genetics yourself.

3. Gang wars : So you're playing Gang wars? Well, I suggest you play the role of a turn-coat in order to keep the match fun. Having half of the station join a single gang isn't interesting and you should feel bad if you've ever done that. Standard procedures should be followed but don't feel afraid to make runs at gang members foolish enough to wander alone, after all, they will likely be beaten to death if they are stupid enough to do that in the first place.

Crew Objectives

If you want brag about how robust you are you can try and complete these trivial objectives on top of your official unofficial job.

Have your butt removed somehow by the end of the round
Robotics can help here. Just tell the Roboticist you want your butt as a hat and they'll usually oblige you quickly.

End the round with a non-Assistant ID registered to you
Go bother the Head of Personnel or the Captain for a job change (or Head of Security if they're both missing). Otherwise, steal an ID off a corpse. The latter might not complete the objective, but hey, new ID.

Be wearing at least one piece of clown clothing at the end of the round Just go open crates in Crew Quarters until you find one with the clown suit in it, and put it on.

A Traitorous Assistant: The Underog Insurgent

Now, when you become a Traitor as an Assistant, do not fret. Assistants are widely considered only to be an annoying nuisance, use that to your advantage! You can also always go to the Head of Personnel and request a job that will further your evil schemes.

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