User:Zamujasa/Mainframe

Don't mind me

E-mails

Public, probably random e-mails that show up in the mainframe under /etc/mail. Five of these are inserted per round.

Syndicate attack

PUBLIC_NT *COMMAND D.GRAYER@SS12 ELCID@NT13 URGENT Syndicate attack Please send help quickly. A group of terrorists calling themselves the 'syndicate' are attacking the station. They keep yelling over the radio about a disk but I have no idea what they're talking about! The captains dead, and the station is shot up to hell! They've got hostages, we need help immediately

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DWSH incident report 10-84 (Engineer eye surgery)

Written to protect against the pseudo-BBCode in papers. Interesting.

PUBLIC_NT *ENGINEERING [email protected] MSCOTT@NT13 LOW DWSH incident report 10-84 Employees involved: \[redacted] Incident summary: Engineer \[a] complained of eye trouble after prolonged exposure to gravitational singularity, despite warnings re: proper eyewear and safe singularity procedure. Their co-worker, engineer \[b], offered to perform experimental laser eye surgery using the spare emitter. Casualties: 1 Damage assessment: $0 Follow-up: Engineer \[b] re-issued a copy of safety manual (claims they lost original during eva) Head of personnel notified of new opening in engineering department Incident closed -NT #10-84

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Centcom Cares

PUBLIC_NT *ALL [email protected] GENERIC@NT13 HIGH Centcom Cares It has come to our attention that employee morale has been unacceptably low in many of our outer installations as of late. Low morale results in such problems as 1) lost productivity, 2) malingering, 3) disloyalty, and 4) flagrant and willfull destruction of station resources and fellow personnel. We understand that deep-space habitation comes with many social and mental challenges, but this is no excuse for poor performance. To maintain morale, please make sure to take advantage of your station's recreational facilities during your scheduled breaks. If you require some safe excitement, a fully-equipped virtual reality arcade can be found near Crew Quarters. Staff members who wish to maintain proper physical health can find a productive outlet for day-to-day stress in the Fitness Center. Nature enthusiasts will enjoy the ornithological wonders and soothing hoots within the Owlery. Every installation has an in-house two-star* restaurant for your eating and dining pleasure. For those who have earned time away from station, you may wish to consult with your local Telescience Research staff regarding exciting vacation opportunities. And remember, in times of spiritual crisis, our expert multi-faith theological staff is always ready to offer you guidance in your Chapel. Thank you, Thad Davies Regional Assistant Director of Human Resources Nanotrasen, INC.

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SALUTATIONS (The clown's will)

PUBLIC_NT *ALL HWLAW@LUNARNET RKAUR@NT13 STANDARD SALUTATIONS It my sad duty to inform you that your uncle Rufus Kaur has passed away. As a client of our firm, he chose me to be the executor of his will. I have attached the section relevant to you. --COPIED TEXT-- > Hello, you little whippersnapper! It's me, your ol' uncle Ruffles! Honk! > I bet you didn't know I knew where you were! A space station! Wow! > Y'know I'd always hoped you'd follow your pops and me in the family business. > But no, I guess you were always too stubborn for clownin'! Always gotta go your own way, shucks. > Why, back in my day, your dad and I didn't have these fancy things like space stations and rocket ships anyways! > No sir! The Brothers Kaur traveled the world, living in horse stables and performing for anyone who wouldn't shoot at us! > And sometimes we even performed for those folks too! Honk! And we liked it! > We didn't even have those novelty red noses you kids have nowadays, nope, ours were the real thing, > red from alcoholism and frostbite! Boy those sure were the days. > Anyways, if you're readin this, it means I've finally gone to the great circus in the sky. > The Brothers Kaur are reunited at last. I know you probably think we were a bunch of old goofs, > but well, we were both very proud of you. I want you to have my clown suit. Maybe wear it a little. > Maybe honk a little. For us. -Uncle Ruffles -- TEXT ENDS -- The aforementioned item can be retrieved from our offices or mailed to you as needed. -T. Hogge, Attorney at Law Law Offices of Hogge and Wylde

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"Make a wish" spam

PUBLIC_NT *ALL NOTA@BOT UARE@NT13 LOW Hi it's thought you might find this funyy!! >> (scroll down) >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Make a wish!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> No, really, go on and make one!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> wish something else!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Not that, you pervert!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Is your finger getting tired yet? >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>Stop!!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Wasn't that fun? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- This e-mail is confidental and is not to be taken as a actual statement, idea, concept, or urge of Save the space whales!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Click here for super fun backgrounds!!!

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