User:Popecrunch

pope crunch story time

the time i nearly killed a man in a bathroom

[18:31:44] <@popecrunch> this is: the story about the time i nearly killed a man in the bathroom at GE

[18:31:52] <WrongEnd> You'll love it

[18:31:59] <WrongEnd> hly shit

[18:32:08] <WrongEnd> Pope what kind of stuff do you get into

[18:32:15] <@popecrunch> ok so office bathrooms. you know how there's always that one guy who goes apeshit with the deodorizer spray until the entire room smells like a choking lilac hell

[18:32:49] <@popecrunch> so anyway i was in there taking a shit because that is what you do in the bathroom and this guy had just taken a dump and was going ham with the spray

[18:33:00] <@popecrunch> like it was going for more than a minute solid and he was bitching about it getting cold

[18:33:11] <@popecrunch> i happened to have a lighter in my pocket

[18:33:24] <WrongEnd> oh god

[18:33:29] <@popecrunch> so i figure i'd flick the lighter and it would make a whoof noise and we'd have a funny story

[18:34:02] <@popecrunch> it is important at this juncture to point out that the doors didn't close all the way at rest, like the door could close about another half inch before it pressed against the frame stop

[18:34:14] <@popecrunch> like it was closed to the point where you couldn't see through it, it was just relaxed

[18:34:18] <@popecrunch> anyway so i flick the lighter

[18:34:36] <@popecrunch> when i can see again and hear again, all is screaming and the loud shrieking of the fire alarm

[18:34:58] <@popecrunch> basically the entire room turned into a large fireball for a split second, my eyebrows, his eyebrows, and half of the dude's beard were just GONE

[18:35:02] <WrongEnd> Hahahahaha pope how do you manage to get into these situations

[18:35:16] <@popecrunch> the expanding gases had slammed the door shut so hard you could hear it across the entire floor of the building

[18:35:44] <@popecrunch> i stashed the lighter in my pocket and just heartily agreed when the maintenance guy said it was probably a short somewhere that caused a spark

[18:36:33] <@popecrunch> that was not the only gas-related shenanigan i got into at GE but it was surely the most dramatic

the one where i was a gross bastard in traffic

You yammer, "i confused the hell out of someone in traffic today"

You yammer, "they nearly sideswiped me and then gave me the finger"

You yammer, "i hollered EAT MY FAT PUSSY YOU SHITDRINKING FUCK"

You yammer, "and then gave the international hand signal for vigorous cunnilingus" visual aid: http://i.imgur.com/GkPfDTY.gif and yes that is me

You yammer, "the dude in the other car emitted a perfect D: and rode the brakes until he was well out of range"

You yammer, "i think i'm a little too downtown for beltway traffic"