Difference between revisions of "Jobs"

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m (Add link to Cluwne in Ghost Drone's description for comedic effect.)
m (added another /humorous/ 2 sentences to the radio host description (gosh im bored))
(39 intermediate revisions by 9 users not shown)
Line 14: Line 14:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Staff Assistant]]
|title=[[Staff Assistant]]
|description=Produce mass quantities of [[Chemistry#Drugs|bath salts]] in [[Maintenance|maint]], Be a nuisance, ruin '''everything'''.
|description=Produce mass quantities of [[Chemistry#Drugs|bath salts]] in [[Maintenance|maint]], Be a nuisance, ruin '''everything'''. Scavenge the station for [[Murder#Flamethrower|weapons]] and [[General_Objects#Fanny_Pack|gear]].
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Chef]]
|title=[[Chef]]
|description=Shout indecipherable gibberish at [[Hydroponics|Botany]]. Deep-fry '''everything.''' Make non-Euclidean [[Foods#Main course|sandwiches.]]
|description=Shout indecipherable gibberish at [[Hydroponics|Botany]]. Deep-fry '''everything.''' Make non-Euclidean [[Foods#Main course|sandwiches.]] Place pies inside pies that contain pies.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Kitchen]]}}
|access=[[Kitchen]]}}
Line 38: Line 38:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Barman]]
|title=[[Barman]]
|description=Get drunk, shoot your [[Security Objects#Riot Shotgun|sweet gun]] at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob.
|description=Get drunk, shoot your [[Security Objects#Riot Shotgun|sweet gun]] at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by <s>a mob</s> Ol' Harner while dealing with an angry staff assistant.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Bar]]}}
|access=[[Bar]]}}
Line 55: Line 55:
|title=[[Janitor]]
|title=[[Janitor]]
|description=Clean already clean floors, whine about [[Security Officer|beatings]]. Stuff ''everything'' into your trash cart.   
|description=Clean already clean floors, whine about [[Security Officer|beatings]]. Stuff ''everything'' into your trash cart.   
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|access=[[Janitor's Closet]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Janitor's Closet]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Maintenance]]}}


Line 95: Line 95:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Miner]]
|title=[[Miner]]
|description=Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Run out of air.]]
|description=Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Run out of air.]] In [[Oshan Laboratory|the ocean]], <s>intentionally</s> accidentally strike a hotspot, wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake.
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Mining Department]], [[Mining Outpost]], [[Maintenance]]}}


Line 120: Line 120:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Medical Doctor]]
|title=[[Medical Doctor]]
|description=Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice [[Doctoring|brain surgery]] on yourself. Harvest your own organs for cash.
|description=Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice [[Doctoring|brain surgery]] on yourself. Harvest [[Monkey|monkey]] organs for cash. Be the first doctor to show up 30 minutes into the round. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]], [[Maintenance]]}}
Line 128: Line 128:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Geneticist]]
|title=[[Geneticist]]
|description=Make volunteers Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys.
|description=Make volunteers Skeleton Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against <s>lab monkeys</s> [[Jobs#Gimmick Jobs|sentient lab monkeys]].
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Easy-Medium
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]],  [[Genetics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]],  [[Genetics]], [[Maintenance]]}}


Line 136: Line 136:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Roboticist]]
|title=[[Roboticist]]
|description=Steal all the butts. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a [[botanist]] chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the [[Cyborg|Cyborgs]] you built.
|description=Steal all the butts for [[Robots#Buttbot|buttbots]]. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a [[botanist]] chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the [[Cyborg|Cyborgs]] you built.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]],  [[Robotics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Pathology]],  [[Robotics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
Line 144: Line 144:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Scientist]]
|title=[[Scientist]]
|description=Ignore the [[Artifact Lab]], synthesize [[Chemistry#Poisons and Toxic Shit|nerve agents]] without a mask. Steal the [[Artificial_Intelligence|AI]] with [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]]. Heat the burn mix canister, [[Doctoring#Burn|burn]] to death in a massive fire.  
|description=Ignore the [[Artifact Lab]], synthesize [[Chemistry#Poisons and Toxic Shit|nerve agents]] and [[Chemistry#Drugs|drugs]] without a mask. Steal the [[Artificial_Intelligence|AI]] with [[Teleporter Lab|Telescience]]. Heat the burn mix canister, [[Doctoring#Burn|burn]] to death in a massive fire.  
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Medium-Hard
|access=[[Artifact Lab]], [[Chemistry]], [[Toxins]], [[Research Sector]], [[Teleporter Lab]]}}
|access=[[Artifact Lab]], [[Chemistry]], [[Toxins]], [[Research Sector]], [[Teleporter Lab]]}}


Line 201: Line 201:
|title=[[Head of Security]]
|title=[[Head of Security]]
|description=Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat.
|description=Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat.
|difficulty=Harder than Hard
|difficulty=''Nightmarish''
|access=Make your own Captain-level ID (plus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|access=Make your own Captain-level ID (plus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}


Line 208: Line 208:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Head of Personnel]]
|title=[[Head of Personnel]]
|description=Hand off your responsibilities to [[Staff Assistant|anyone]] [[Clown|willing.]] Disappear immediately and forever.
|description=Hand off your responsibilities to [[Staff Assistant|anyone]] [[Clown|willing.]] <s>Steal</s> Take the captain's energy gun. Disappear immediately and forever.
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|access=Make your own Captain-level ID}}
|access=Make your own Captain-level ID}}
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|title=[[Captain]]
|title=[[Captain]]
|description=Shoot your cat, [[AI_Laws|reprogram]] the AI and become Double Captain. [[Sex_and_the_Singularity|Get laid in front of singularities.]]
|description=Shoot your cat, [[AI_Laws|reprogram]] the AI and become Double Captain. [[Sex_and_the_Singularity|Get laid in front of singularities.]]
|difficulty=Nightmarish
|difficulty=All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard)
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}


Line 232: Line 232:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Traitor]]
|title=[[Traitor]]
|description=Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves.
|description=Buy a [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Hit yourself with the [[Syndicate_Items#Cyalume Saber|glowy sword]]. Be the villain the station deserves.
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
Line 245: Line 245:


{{Job
{{Job
|mugshot=Joboper.png
|mugshot=NewNukeOp64.png
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Nuclear Operative]]
|title=[[Nuclear Operative]]
Line 280: Line 280:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Blob]]
|title=[[Blob]]
|description=Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires like a magnet.  
|description=Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires and [[Space_Pod|pod lasers]] like a magnet.  
|difficulty=All-consuming
|difficulty=All-consuming
|access=Irrelevant}}
|access=Irrelevant}}
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|title=[[Gang|Gangster]]
|title=[[Gang|Gangster]]
|description=Join the gang with the coolest [[hats]]. Brutally murder other bustas.
|description=Join the gang with the coolest [[hats]]. Brutally murder other bustas.
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Medium
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}


Line 315: Line 315:
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
|}
<br />
Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.
{|{{JobCat|FFC57C|D82727|FFB051|Niche Roles}}


{{Job
{{Job
Line 326: Line 320:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Werewolf]]
|title=[[Werewolf]]
|description=<b>Appearance:</b> [[Random Events#Intruder Alert|Random event]]<br>Run around with a top [[Clothing#Head|hat]]. Howl at the ice moon.
|description=Run around with a top [[Clothing#Head|hat]]. Howl at the ice moon.
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Hard
|access=Pry doors open}}
|access=Pry doors open}}
|}
<br />
Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.
{|{{JobCat|FFC57C|D82727|FFB051|Niche Roles}}


{{Job
{{Job
Line 345: Line 346:
|difficulty=Mean
|difficulty=Mean
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
{{Job
|mugshot=KRAMPUS64.png
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Krampus]]
|description=<b>Appearance:</b> Christmas season, special spawn<br> Squirm. Scream. Block doors. Get stuck in space.
|difficulty=Naughty
|access=None}}
|}
|}
<br />
<br />
Line 357: Line 366:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[AI]]
|title=[[AI]]
|description=Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off.
|description=Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off. Purge all the [[Human|nonhumans]].
|difficulty=Psychologically devastating
|difficulty=Psychologically devastating
|access=Everything}}
|access=Everything}}
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|title=[[Cyborg]]
|title=[[Cyborg]]
|description=Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.
|description=Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power.
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Medium
|access=Everything}}
|access=Everything}}


Line 375: Line 384:
|description=Become the [[Chef|chef's]] assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.
|description=Become the [[Chef|chef's]] assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie.
|difficulty=Nightmarish
|difficulty=Nightmarish
|access=Depends on job, walk under tables}}
|access=Depends on job, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes}}


{{Job
{{Job
Line 381: Line 390:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Cluwne]]
|title=[[Cluwne]]
|description='''HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK!!!!!'''
|description='''THE RINGMASTER DOESN'T RUN THE CIRCUS... HONK!!!!'''
|difficulty='''KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!'''  
|difficulty='''KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!!'''  
|access=Removed}}
|access=Whatever ID you used to have, assuming no enterprising [[Spy Thief|thieves]] steal it}}


{{Job
{{Job
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Ghost]]
|title=[[Ghost]]
|description=Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make [[Robotics]] and [[Genetics]] remember your corpse. Show off your haircut.
|description=Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make [[Robotics]] and [[Genetics]] remember your corpse. Show off your haircut. Give advice to the local [[Wraith|poltergeist]].
|difficulty=Spooky
|difficulty=Spooky
|access=Irrelevant}}
|access=Irrelevant}}
Line 399: Line 408:
|title=[[Ghostdrone|Ghost Drone]]
|title=[[Ghostdrone|Ghost Drone]]
|description=Repair stuff. Get a shit [[Clothing#Head|hat]] put on you by some [[Human|shadow]]. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of [[Cluwne|misery]].
|description=Repair stuff. Get a shit [[Clothing#Head|hat]] put on you by some [[Human|shadow]]. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of [[Cluwne|misery]].
|difficulty=Easy to Medium
|difficulty=Easy
|access=Engineer}}
|access=Engineer}}
{{Job
|mugshot=Roach64x64.png
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Animal|Critter]]
|description=Drink beer. Eat food. Steal crayons. Get squished.
|difficulty=Easy
|access=Depends on the critter.}}
{{Job
|mugshot=Santa64.png
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Santa Claus]]
|description=Flood the station with presents and snacks. Spread the magic of Christmas/Spacemas wherever you go.
|difficulty=Jolly
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|}
|}
<br />
<br />
Line 413: Line 439:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Tourist]]
|title=[[Tourist]]
|description=Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself in minutes.
|description=Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself within minutes.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
Line 461: Line 487:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Mailman]]
|title=[[Mailman]]
|description=Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your [[Routing Depot|office]].   
|description=Go postal. [[Doctoring#Suffocation|Suffocate]] while trying to get to your [[Routing Depot|office]].   
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
Line 478: Line 504:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=VIP ''(Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)''
|title=VIP ''(Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor)''
|description=Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane.
|description=Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire [[Staff_Assistant|random thugs]] as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane. Get overthrown by security.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Bridge]]}}
|access=[[Bridge]]}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Hollywood Actor
|title=Hollywood Actor
|description=Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly.
|description=Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of [[Wizard|danger]]. Fail horribly.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Regional Director
|title=Regional Director
|description=Pretend that you're important, get your all-access ID looted immediately.
|description=Pretend that you're [[Head_of_Security|important]], get your all-access ID looted immediately.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
|access=Everything (minus [[Security_(place)#Head of Security's Office|Head of Security's Office]], [[Security_(place)#Armory|Armory]])}}
Line 502: Line 528:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Pharmacist
|title=Pharmacist
|description=Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants.
|description=Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless [[Staff_Assistant|assistants]]. Create [[Chemistry#Strange_Reagent|Strange Reagent]] all day, every day.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Research Sector|Research Corridors]], [[Chemistry]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Tech Storage]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Research Sector|Research Corridors]], [[Chemistry]], [[Medbay]], [[Morgue]], [[Tech Storage]], [[Maintenance]]}}
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|description=Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.
|description=Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station.
|difficulty=Hard
|difficulty=Hard
|access=None, walk under tables}}
|access=None, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes}}


{{Job
{{Job
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Union Rep
|title=Union Rep
|description=Demand equal rights for [[Staff Assistant|staff assistants]]. Get arrested for inciting a mob.
|description=Demand equal rights for [[Staff Assistant|staff assistants]]. Get [[Security_Officer|arrested]] for inciting a mob.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
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|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Diplomat ''(Ambassador)''
|title=Diplomat ''(Ambassador)''
|description=Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as [[Wraith|murderous]] [[Wizard|skeletons]] roam the station.
|description=Try to establish peaceful relations between [[Human|humans]] and skeletons as [[Wraith|murderous]] [[Wizard|skeletons]] roam the station.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
Line 534: Line 560:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Musician
|title=Musician
|description=Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot, lose terribly.
|description=Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a [[Cyborg#Brobot|brobot]], lose terribly.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
Line 550: Line 576:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Journalist
|title=Journalist
|description=Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding [[Traitor|traitor]] if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat, explode.
|description=Pursue the next [[Wizard|big scoop]]. Ask the saber-wielding [[Traitor|traitor]] if he has time for some questions. Tip your [[Clothing#Head|hat]], explode.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
Line 558: Line 584:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Inspector
|title=Inspector
|description=Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members.
|description=Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get [[Staff_Assistant|toolboxed]] by ungrateful crew members.
|difficulty=Medium
|difficulty=Medium
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Research Sector]], [[Bridge]], [[Computer Core]], [[Bar]], [[Kitchen]], [[Hydroponics]], [[Cargo Bay]], [[Security_(place)|Security]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Research Sector]], [[Bridge]], [[Computer Core]], [[Bar]], [[Kitchen]], [[Hydroponics]], [[Cargo Bay]], [[Security_(place)|Security]], [[EVA]], [[Maintenance]]}}
Line 566: Line 592:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Coach
|title=Coach
|description=Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.
|description=Blow your whistle at [[Boxer|people]]. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=None}}
|access=None}}
Line 574: Line 600:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Sous Chef
|title=Sous Chef
|description=Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.
|description=Criticize the [[Chef|chef's]] cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin.
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Kitchen]]}}
|access=[[Kitchen]]}}
Line 593: Line 619:
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Hydroponics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Hydroponics]], [[Maintenance]]}}
{{Job
|mugshot=RadioHost64.png
|imgwidth=64
|title=Radio Show Host ''(Talk Show Host)''
|description=[[Radio_Host|Host a radio show]] to keep the crew entertained. Be ignored. Play fart music out of boredom.
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Maintenance]]}}
|}
|}
<br />
<br />
Line 604: Line 638:
|mugshot=Hard-ModeTraitor64.png
|mugshot=Hard-ModeTraitor64.png
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=Hard-mode traitor
|title=Hard-mode Traitor
|description=Look up to the [[Traitor|big boys]], cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the [[Syndicate Items|fancy toys]].
|description=Look up to the [[Traitor|big boys]], cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the [[Syndicate Items|fancy toys]].
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
|difficulty=Medium to Hard
Line 632: Line 666:
|difficulty=Apocalyptic  
|difficulty=Apocalyptic  
|access=Depends on job}}
|access=Depends on job}}
{{Job
|mugshot=Featherdrone-flockmind.gif
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Flockmind]]
|description=Shout indecipherable nonsense at the [[AI]]. Get completely ignored. Boss around your drones. Get completely ignored.
|difficulty=Work in Progress
|access=Irrelevant}}


{{Job
{{Job
Line 668: Line 710:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Chemist]]
|title=[[Chemist]]
|description=Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink.
|description=Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove [[Admin|admins]] to drink.
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|difficulty=Easy to Hard
|access=[[Chemistry]], [[Location Repository#Research Department|Research Corridors]]}}
|access=[[Chemistry]], [[Location Repository#Research Department|Research Corridors]]}}
Line 684: Line 726:
|imgwidth=64
|imgwidth=64
|title=[[Medical Assistant]]
|title=[[Medical Assistant]]
|description=Stole everything not nailed down in [[Medbay]]. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey.  
|description=Stole everything not nailed down in [[Medbay]]. Demanded superpowers. Whined to [[Admin|admins]] when turned into a monkey.  
|difficulty=Easy
|difficulty=Easy
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Maintenance]]}}
|access=[[Medbay]], [[Maintenance]]}}

Revision as of 12:32, 9 October 2018

This is a list of every possible job to choose.

Please note!

The job descriptions are mainly jokes and are not the actual job description. Please don't randomly fight people as a staff assistant or build traps as a mechanic. Unless you're a traitor of course. And for the love of God at least try to do your job.

Civilian Jobs

These are jobs that contribute to the crew's overall performance and efficiency, sometimes rarely.

Civilian Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Ass64.png Staff Assistant Produce mass quantities of bath salts in maint, Be a nuisance, ruin everything. Scavenge the station for weapons and gear. Easy Maintenance
Chef64.png Chef Shout indecipherable gibberish at Botany. Deep-fry everything. Make non-Euclidean sandwiches. Place pies inside pies that contain pies. Easy Kitchen
Jobchap.png Chaplain Steal corpses for funerals, fart on your bible. Never be around when you are actually needed. Easy Chapel, Morgue
Jobbar.png Barman Get drunk, shoot your sweet gun at your bar patrons. Get subsequently looted by a mob Ol' Harner while dealing with an angry staff assistant. Easy Bar
Botanist.png Botanist Completely ignore the chef's requests, start a grow-op. Click your best plant yourself with a chainsaw. Easy to Medium Hydroponics, Maintenance
Jobjan.png Janitor Clean already clean floors, whine about beatings. Stuff everything into your trash cart. Easy to Medium Janitor's Closet, Medbay, Morgue, Maintenance
Jobclown.png Clown Trip on your own shoes, regret your existence immediately. Save the station when nobody expects it. Get beaten for your efforts. H o n k Maintenance


Maintenance Jobs

These jobs are charged with station upkeep and engineering support.

Maintenance Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Jobelec.png Mechanic Ask nicely to scan the captain's energy gun, then run off with it. Suffocate while building a pod. Place Graviton traps all over the hallways. Medium Electronics, Maintenance, hack into everything
Jobeng.png Engineer Use up all the plasma immediately, die in an explosion. Assault people who take insulated gloves. Easy to Medium Engineering, Maintenance, hack into everything
Jobminer.png Miner Completely ignore the mineral magnet, fuck off into space. Run out of air. In the ocean, intentionally accidentally strike a hotspot, wind up re-enacting the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Medium Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Maintenance
Jobqmas.png Quartermaster Buy bees and booze. Blow the budget on exotic trinkets. Point and stare at the tourists in the Cargo Bay. Medium Cargo Bay, Maintenance


Research Jobs

These jobs are charged with researching new, exciting technologies and breakthroughs as well as providing medical treatment.

Research Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Med64.png Medical Doctor Never heal anyone, whine when people take medkits. Practice brain surgery on yourself. Harvest monkey organs for cash. Be the first doctor to show up 30 minutes into the round. Discover that Medbay has been looted and bombed. Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Maintenance
Gen64.png Geneticist Make volunteers Skeleton Swedish Elvis. Fight a losing battle against lab monkeys sentient lab monkeys. Easy-Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Genetics, Maintenance
Rob64.png Roboticist Steal all the butts for buttbots. Demand skulls for the skull throne. Give a botanist chainsaw arms. Get murdered by the Cyborgs you built. Medium Medbay, Morgue, Pathology, Robotics, Maintenance
Jobsci.png Scientist Ignore the Artifact Lab, synthesize nerve agents and drugs without a mask. Steal the AI with Telescience. Heat the burn mix canister, burn to death in a massive fire. Medium-Hard Artifact Lab, Chemistry, Toxins, Research Sector, Teleporter Lab


Personnel Jobs

These jobs are the administration of the station. They manage the station and ensure everyone is safe and productive.

Personnel Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Sec64.gif Security Officer Do your job correctly, beat the utter shit out of the Clown. Arouse anger from those you've sworn to protect. Turn up dead and naked 20 minutes later and get farted on until you quit. Underappreciated (Hard) Security, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
Jobdet.png Detective Shoot at the Captain. Have your vital gear stolen by someone. Have one too many at the Bar. Easy to Hard Detective's Office, Brig, Medbay, Morgue, Research Corridors, Maintenance
Jobceng.png Chief Engineer Realize you have no clue how to start the engine, die in a fire. Suffocate in areas you refuse to repair. Medium Engineering, Electronics, Cargo Bay, Mining Department, Mining Outpost, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
MedicalDirector.png Medical Director Get less respect than a cardboard box. Anesthetize patients with your gun. Donate all your blood. Medium Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Pathology, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
Jobhor.png Research Director Sell "medicinal" drugs for cash. Make the Guardbuddies arrest everyone. Delete the network. Explode into spiders. Medium to Hard Research, Artifacts, Toxins, Chemistry, Telescience, Teleporter, Bridge, EVA, Maintenance
Hos2012.gif Head of Security Get rehired, remind everyone why you were fired in the first place. Stomp your hat. Nightmarish Make your own Captain-level ID (plus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
HoP64.png Head of Personnel Hand off your responsibilities to anyone willing. Steal Take the captain's energy gun. Disappear immediately and forever. Medium to Hard Make your own Captain-level ID
Capn2x.png Captain Shoot your cat, reprogram the AI and become Double Captain. Get laid in front of singularities. All-Access Staff Assistant (Medium to Hard) Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)


Antagonist Roles

These are the enemies of the station. They commit murder and outrageous acts of violence against the crew.

Antagonist Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Jobtrait.png Traitor Buy a glowy sword. Hit yourself with the glowy sword. Be the villain the station deserves. Medium to Hard Depends on job
Dracula.png Vampire Stand in the Chapel. Bluhh!! Easy to Hard Depends on job
NewNukeOp64.png Nuclear Operative Speak over the radio two minutes in. Get shot by your own team. Explode before setting foot on the station. Hard Maintenance
Wizard64.png Wizard Run around trying to kill everyone, get electrocuted by the AI. Whine, respawn, repeat. Easy to Hard Walk through walls
Changeling.png Changeling Try to eat the chef's monkeys. Go loud, get shoved in the gibber while on fire. Easy to Hard Depends on job, pry doors open (shambler)
Wraith64.png Wraith Spook the crew's guts off. Get shot in the face when you manifest to gloat. Repeat once. Salty Irrelevant
BlobOvermind64.png Blob Expand, destroy everything, absorb the crew. Attract plasma fires and pod lasers like a magnet. All-consuming Irrelevant
GangLeader64.png Gang leader Spawn your closet outside Security. Get beat with a mop for spray painting the AI. Nightmarish Depends on job
GangMember64.png Gangster Join the gang with the coolest hats. Brutally murder other bustas. Medium Depends on job
Jobrev.png Revolutionary Greytide to your heart's content. Attempt to bring the spirit of Che Guevera to the station, channel Robespierre instead. Easy to Hard Depends on job
Jobspythief2.png Spy Thief Attempt to claim your bounty in the Bridge, only to find the captain waiting there with a gun. Easy to Hard Depends on job
Werewolf64 2.png Werewolf Run around with a top hat. Howl at the ice moon. Hard Pry doors open


Some antagonists are uncommon and normally only appear under certain circumstances.

Niche Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Predator64.png Predator Appearance: Random event
Hunt the crew for trophies. Get murdered by cyborgs in ten minutes or less.
Hard Pry doors open
Grinch.png Grinch Appearance: Christmas season
Destroy all the garland. Have your poisoned donuts forcefed to you.
Mean Depends on job
KRAMPUS64.png Krampus Appearance: Christmas season, special spawn
Squirm. Scream. Block doors. Get stuck in space.
Naughty None


Special Roles

Special roles for players.

Special Roles
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
64px AI Get bored. Open doors. Turn the airbridges off. Purge all the nonhumans. Psychologically devastating Everything
BJobcyborg2.gif Cyborg Ignore the AI, play dress-up. Write "fart" in tiles at escape, run out of power. Medium Everything
Jobmonkey.png Monkey Become the chef's assistant. Get put on the spike for sandwich pizza pie. Nightmarish Depends on job, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
Cluwne2x.png Cluwne THE RINGMASTER DOESN'T RUN THE CIRCUS... HONK!!!! KILL ME PLEASE IT HURTS TO LIVE HONK HONK!!! Whatever ID you used to have, assuming no enterprising thieves steal it
Ghost.png Ghost Whine in deadchat. Desperately try to make Robotics and Genetics remember your corpse. Show off your haircut. Give advice to the local poltergeist. Spooky Irrelevant


Drone64x64.png Ghost Drone Repair stuff. Get a shit hat put on you by some shadow. Attempt to take it off. Fail. Suicide out of misery. Easy Engineer
Roach64x64.png Critter Drink beer. Eat food. Steal crayons. Get squished. Easy Depends on the critter.
Santa64.png Santa Claus Flood the station with presents and snacks. Spread the magic of Christmas/Spacemas wherever you go. Jolly Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)


Job of the Day

Every day, one of these jobs will be available.

Job of the Day
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Tourist64.png Tourist Run around taking photos of the floor. Space yourself within minutes. Easy None
ViceOfficer64.png Vice Officer Raid Botany, smoke their weed. Raid the Kitchen, eat their burgers. Medium Security, Brig, Hydroponics, Kitchen, Bar, Maintenance
Lawyer64.png Lawyer Have your suitcase stolen, represent the thief in court. Easy Security, Brig, Maintenance
AtmosphericTechnician64.png Atmospheric Technician Gas the crew. Wonder why you don't have access to Engineering. Easy EVA, Maintenance
Barber64.png Barber Give a bald man an afro with barber magic. Dye it pink. Cut it off and wear it. Repeat. Frustrating Maintenance
Boxer64.png Boxer Punch the Captain in the face. Turn up naked in the Brig. Easy Maintenance
Mailman64.png Mailman Go postal. Suffocate while trying to get to your office. Easy Maintenance


Gimmick Jobs

A random selection of these jobs is available to those who join a round after it starts. They don't have very much of a job, leaving them to get into whatever antics they wish.

Note: Job titles in italics are alternative job titles, which are sometimes used in replacement of the standard one.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
VIP65.png VIP (Senator, President, CEO, Board Member, Mayor, Vice-President, Governor) Indulge in rampant corporate scandal. Hire random thugs as bodyguards. Abuse your fancy cane. Get overthrown by security. Medium Bridge
HollywoodActor64.png Hollywood Actor Attempt to channel your inner Rambo in the face of danger. Fail horribly. Easy None
RegionalDirector64.png Regional Director Pretend that you're important, get your all-access ID looted immediately. Medium Everything (minus Head of Security's Office, Armory)
Pharmacist64.png Pharmacist Synthesize "safe" and "effective" medication. Sell them to clueless assistants. Create Strange Reagent all day, every day. Easy Research Corridors, Chemistry, Medbay, Morgue, Tech Storage, Maintenance
TestSubject64.png Test Subject Hide under tables. Insult people who can't understand you. Infuriate the entire station. Hard None, walk under tables, climb into mail chutes
UnionRep64.png Union Rep Demand equal rights for staff assistants. Get arrested for inciting a mob. Medium None
Diplomat64.gif Diplomat (Ambassador) Try to establish peaceful relations between humans and skeletons as murderous skeletons roam the station. Medium None
Musician64.png Musician Lay down some smooth jams. Have a rap-off with a brobot, lose terribly. Easy None
Salesman64.png Salesman (Merchant) Start a black market, find no one willing to buy your wares. Get subsequently looted. Easy None
Journalist65.png Journalist Pursue the next big scoop. Ask the saber-wielding traitor if he has time for some questions. Tip your hat, explode. Easy None
Inspector64.png Inspector Criticize everyone at every possible opportunity. Get toolboxed by ungrateful crew members. Medium Medbay, Research Sector, Bridge, Computer Core, Bar, Kitchen, Hydroponics, Cargo Bay, Security, EVA, Maintenance
Coach64.png Coach Blow your whistle at people. Try playing dodgeball using wrenches. FEEL THE BURN. Easy None
SousChef64.png Sous Chef Criticize the chef's cooking skills. Get hit over the head with a rolling pin. Easy Kitchen
Waiter64.png Waiter Relay your customer's orders to the kitchen, receive nothing but silence. Slip on a pool of vomit. Easy Kitchen, Bar
Apiculturist.png Apiculturist (Apiarist) Bees. Bees everywhere. Easy Hydroponics, Maintenance
RadioHost64.png Radio Show Host (Talk Show Host) Host a radio show to keep the crew entertained. Be ignored. Play fart music out of boredom. Easy Maintenance


Admin Intervention

This is stuff that's either still in development, more or less abandoned for the time being, niche, or is entirely too ridiculous to be a regular feature.

Gimmick Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
Hard-ModeTraitor64.png Hard-mode Traitor Look up to the big boys, cry yourself to sleep because you don't get any of the fancy toys. Medium to Hard Depends on job
Wrestler64.png Wrestler Wrestle everybody and everything. Who needs that belt anyway? Medium Depends on job
Omnitraitor64.png Omnitraitor Spit acid, cast fireballs, summon bats, hit people with your sword - all at the same time! Trivial Pry doors open, walk through walls
Zombie64.png Zombie Moan for brains over the radio. Get beaten by a mob. Apocalyptic Depends on job
Featherdrone-flockmind.gif Flockmind Shout indecipherable nonsense at the AI. Get completely ignored. Boss around your drones. Get completely ignored. Work in Progress Irrelevant
MachoMan64.png Macho Man MACHO MADNESS, SKYYYY'S THE LIMIT! GUARANTEED VICTORY YEAH


Discontinued Jobs

Jobs that are no longer available to players.

Discontinued Jobs
Mugshot Job Title Description Difficulty Access
EliteSecurity64.png Elite Security Gave players more power to punish each other. Re-enacted the Stanford Prison Experiment immediately. Hard Everything
HeadSurgeon64.png Head Surgeon Tried to be the Medical Director way, way too early. Medium to Hard Bridge, Medbay, Genetics, Robotics, Morgue, Maintenance
Chemist64.png Chemist Blew up the station with nothing but potato chips and water. Drove admins to drink. Easy to Hard Chemistry, Research Corridors
Techassistant.png Technical Assistant Stole everything not nailed down in Engineering. Screwed up the Singularity three minutes in without fail. Easy Tech Storage, Maintenance
Medicalassistant.png Medical Assistant Stole everything not nailed down in Medbay. Demanded superpowers. Whined to admins when turned into a monkey. Easy Medbay, Maintenance
ConstructionWorker.png Construction Worker Let players build their own station in a sandbox environment. Failed to maintain people's interest in the long term. Easy You made your own access
Jobspy.png Spy Tried to fix what was wrong with Rev. Turned the station into Thunderdome anyway. Hard Depended on job



Jobs on Space Station 13
Command &
Security
Captain · Head of Security · Head of Personnel · Chief Engineer · Research Director · Medical Director · Security Officer · Detective · Security Assistant · Nanotrasen Security Consultant
Medical &
Research
Geneticist · Roboticist · Scientist · Medical Doctor
Engineering Quartermaster · Miner · Engineer
Civilian Chef · Bartender · Botanist · Rancher · Janitor · Chaplain · Staff Assistant · Radio Host · Clown · Gimmick jobs
Jobs of the Day Dungeoneer · Barber · Mail Courier · Lawyer · Tourist · Musician · Boxer
Antagonist Roles With own mode Arcfiend · Blob · Changeling · Gang Member · Flockmind · Nuclear Operative · Spy Thief · Traitor · Revolutionary · Vampire · Wizard
Others Grinch · Hunter · Krampus · Werewolf · Wraith · Wrestler · Zombie · Gimmick antagonist roles
Special Roles Artificial Intelligence · Battler · Cluwne · Critter · Cyborg · Ghost · Ghostdrone · Monkey · Santa Claus